TwoFaced: Eggplant

"TwoFaced Tuesdays" is a joint venture between CupcakesOMG! and Jenna from The Paleo Project. Each week, we select one secret ingredient and put our own paleo spin on it. You can catch up on the entire series here. Also, if you have any special ingredient requests, you can always tweet us (@CupcakesOhMG and @ThePaleoProject) using the hashtag #TwoFacedTuesday.

When I started reading The Hunger Games last Friday, I surmised that it was a book about a girl on a diet. In a nutshell, that's not what it's about. That said, plenty of the characters do actually go hungry, which is ironic, considering I DEVOURED the whole book in about 6 hours. I mean, I hate to say it, but the 14-year-old girl inside of you is dyinggggggg to read this book, even if you are a 52-year-old man (Dad). 

For those of you have read it, you'll appreciate today's TwoFaced recipe: Eggplant chips. Not because eggplant is featured in the book, but like, because it's a disgusting food that, if it were all you had available to you, you'd have to figure out some way to make it edible in order to survive the bleakness of your District 12 life and imminent reality TV debut, in which you will literally fight to the death against other children. I'm dead serious, this book will stick with you for days...days, I tell you!!!

I'm just gonna put it out there--I think eggplant is gross. So I did what any self-respecting Panem citizen would do. I went outside the fence, bartered some squirrel meat for a loaf of day old bread, and got creative in the kitchen.*

*Disclaimer: I did none of these things, btw.

So yeah, I made chips again...sue me!! But I'm telling you, chippin' it up in the kitchen is the way to go when we're talking making inedible things edible.

Paired with a flavorful cilantro pesto, and you'll almost feel like you're dining with Effie Trinket and President Snow in the Capitol.

I'd apologize for using so many HG references, but the real tragedy here is that you haven't read the book. That is what I'm truly sorry for.

For more eggplant ideas, check out Jenna's take at The Paleo Project!!

Eggplant Chips with Cilantro Pesto
Adapted from What's Gaby Cooking

• 1 large eggplant
• 1 large bunch cilantro
• 1/2 cup raw unsalted cashews
• 1 clove garlic
• 1/2 cup shredded Asiago cheese
• 1/2 cup olive oil
• salt and pepper to taste

1. Preheat oven to 400 degrees F. Line cookie sheet with parchment paper
2. Slice the eggplant into thin chips using a mandolin. Or a sharp knife if you're a boss like that.
3. Place chips on cookie sheet. Lightly brush olive or coconut oil on each round, making sure not to soak them too much. Sprinkle with salt. Place in the oven for about 10 minutes. Flip each chip over, then bake for another 10 minutes, or until they're golden brown, not burnt. Or until your smoke alarm goes off. 
4. Move the chips from the baking sheet to a cooling rack. Enjoy with cilantro pesto (recipe: put all the other ingredients in a food processor and pulse until it reaches a pesto-like consistency).

Monday Friday Fun Find

{Carbon Crusader pencils, $4-$7}

I mentioned last Friday that I would be sharing my Fun Find today. I fell behind on posting because of work. I was in a magical place called "Connecticut" where the shops close at 8 PM and there is no such thing as traffic. While I was there, though, I was wishing I had my newest fun find with me: these profane (and custom) stamped pencils from Etsy.

Look, we all know that writing, and making an effort in general, sucks. So it's worth trying to make it as much fun as it could possibly be with a writing utensil that only reinforces that you are, indeed, the "Queen in a World of Commoners", or that you "need a fucking drink", or even more succinctly "Fuck this Shit."

And of course, a custom one with, I dunno, your world famous blog's name on it, is a necessity.

In pink, naturally.

Now, if only I could get my hands on a goddamn pencil sharpener. 

Tartan & Sequins: Girl Crush

Listen, I'm not gonna mince words--you love me. It's okay, it's not arrogant if it's true. Well, it's still arrogant, but no less true. And you're not alone in your love. In fact, I was just chosen by Julia and Allison over at Tartan & Sequins as their first ever Girl Crush Friday feature!!

I couldn't be more thrilled, as Julia and Allison are the harbingers of excellent taste. From mastering calligraphy correspondence to how to style the perfect trench, they're on a quest to find and share all their favorite tastes du jour. And today, I'm one of them! So make sure to stop by there today to find out my personal favorites.

Who are you girl crushing on right now???

**I'll be back with Friday Fun Find on Monday. I'll also be renaming it "Monday Fun Find" because, thought I've said it before, it bears repeating, this is my damn blog, and I do what I want. Also, I'm out of town working with a client for work, so I haven't had the chance to take any pictures of anything. But still!!!** 

HIWWI: Valentine's Day Edition

{Asos Skater Dress, $50.13}

You know those girls who are all "I hate Valentine's Day" or who say they celebrate S.A.D. (Singles' Appreciation Day)? Ugh, gag me with a silver spoon. It's girls like this giving a bad, pathetic name to the rest of us actually cool chicks.

The way I see it, Valentine's Day has about as much to do with love and romance as Kim Kardashian has to do with raising awareness for women's rights in Iran. Sure, if you have a steady beau, it's a great excuse to get him to buy you things, but that's pretty much the point of having a boyfriend to begin with, so let's get our expectations straightened out, first of all. 

You see, Valentine's Day, like most holidays or life events, are really about one thing: your outfit. It's the perfect excuse to pile on the pink, red, and hearts. And no one can say anything to you about. Not.one.damn.thing.

The Asos dress above is a perfect fit for whatever your V-Day or S.A.D. (and pathetic) night might hold. It's casual enough for drinks with friends and flirty enough for a date. Piled with a matching hot pink boyfriend blazer, and you are officially everyone's Valentine:

{Silence & Noise blazer, $78}

We're kinda on a pink roll, so this is no time to ease up. Instead, it's time to pump up the pink with these fuschia lace-up wedges.

{Threadsence wedge, $45}

And since this is Valentine's Day, after all, no outfit is really complete until you've got a silly heart somewhere on your bod. The one on your sleeve doesn't count. I love this dainty gold pendant.

{GuageNYC Heart pendant, $75}

If you're one of those people who still believes you can't wear white after Labor Day or that pairing black and brown together is one step removed from clubbing baby seals on the "crimes against humanity" benchmark, then you might want to a.) avert your eyes now and b.) leave my blog immediately and never come back. 

Thank god those losers are gone. So let's get crazy. I would 100% recommend pairing this precious pink look with some red Lolita shades like these:

{Urban Outfitters sunglasses, $16}

I would further recommend finishing off the look with a swipe of rich red lip color like this:

{NARS lipstick in Heat Wave, $24}

Because nothing says "I put out/binge on chocolate/cry myself to sleep on Valentine's Day" quite like red lips. Ladies (and gentlemen), you're welcome.

What are you planning to wear for Valentine's Day??

TwoFaced: Cranberries

 "TwoFaced Tuesdays" is a joint venture between CupcakesOMG! and Jenna from The Paleo Project. Each week, we select one secret ingredient and put our own paleo spin on it. You can catch up on the entire series here. Also, if you have any special ingredient requests, you can always tweet us (@CupcakesOhMG and @ThePaleoProject) using the hashtag #TwoFacedTuesday.

Let me tell you a fun story.

Jenna and I decided real early last week what this week's TwoFaced ingredient would be cranberry. I was intimidated from the start. I mean, who in the hell cooks with cranberries outside of Thanksgiving?? At first I was like, maybe I could make a paleo spritzer? And then Jenna was like "....ummmm...yeah. No, yeah, I'm sure that'd be great." And then Kyle was like "that's a terrible idea." And then I stopped thinking about it and went on with my week. Until I texted Jenna on Sunday and said "yo, what's our ingredient this week?"

The ingredient cranberry was literally so intimidating to me, that I actually pushed it out of my mind. Like, entirely forgot that we had previously chosen it. And when I remembered, I just texted her one word: "shit." But like the immaculate conception, my mind was inexplicably impregnated by the recipe I conjured up for this week--CranApple Crumble.

Like many of my recipes, I found this to be laughably easy to put together. Some apple (I used MacIntosh), frozen cranberry, spices, and honey, topped with a lick-the-bowl-good mixture of almonds, cashews, and maple syrup make for a dreamy crumble.

 Baked in the oven until the top is golden and the fruits reduce and it's ready to be devoured.

 Personally, I ate it for breakfast at one point. And then dessert. And then dessert again.

And then I topped it with some coconut whipped cream and it was overrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr!!!!

Please make this. Dear God, you OWE IT TO YOURSELF AND FORGOTTEN CRANBERRIES EVERYWHERE!!!!!!!

I know Jenna prepared far better for her cranberry-inspired recipe, so make sure to check it out!!

Paleo CranApple Crumble
Makes about 6 small tarts worth

For the filling

• 4 medium apples, sliced then with a mandolin or cut into bite size chunks
• 1 cup frozen cranberries
• 1/2 cup raw honey
• 1 tsp. cinnamon
• 1/2 tsp. ground ginger

For the topping

• 2/3 cup raw almonds
• 2/3 cup raw cashews
• 1 cup maple syrup
• 1 tsp. cinnamon

1. Preheat oven to 375 degrees F.
2. In a large bowl, toss all the filling ingredients together.
3. In a food processor, pulse topping ingredients until the nuts are chopped small, but not finely ground.
4. In small tart pans, divide the filling mixture evenly. They will be very full (overflowing, even), but they will bake down quite a bit.
5. Top each crumble with the nut mixture and press down.
6. Bake for about 30 minutes, or until the top is golden and the fruits are soft.

Buffalo Wing Cupcakes

There are things that happen in a relationship when you're like "that person loves me." Kyle and I have had several of these moments, but none quite like yesterday's. After coming back with bottles of wine and beer for our Super Bowl festivity (i.e., Kyle's parents watching with us), he offered up a surprise for me: these Buffalo wing cupcakes from Whole Foods.

Of course, they aren't paleo, and you already knew that I was keeping the menu entirely paleo. So yeah, I did not make these. I did however eat them.

Well, I ate ONE to be specific. Before I get to how these tasted, let me clarify what these are. Imagine a sweet corn muffin, topped with a blue cheese spread, further topped with a buffalo wing.

If you think it's disgusting...you wouldn't be far off. I mean, I actually kinda enjoyed eating it, but the truth is, that's a lot of blue cheese if you aren't bracing yourself for it. That said, if you have a chance to enjoy one in your lifetime, you really ought to. It's like nothing you've ever eaten before. Unless you've eaten a buffalo wing dipped in blue cheese dressing, that is.

How was your Super Bowl celebration?? Anything equally odd on the menu??

Friday Fun Find: Rosemary Cashews

I don't know if it's fair to call this a "find" so much as a recipe, but I did FIND this recipe on the food making searchy thingy, and then I made it and then I ate it and was all "this is fun!" Because eating delicious food is fun. Right? I mean, you get it. So, yeah, that's me being Sherlockian for ya.

I made a few modifications to the recipe to make it paleo, because why wouldn't I? Also, this recipe calls for cayenne. I'm gonna let you in on a secret, because we all know secrets DO make friends: I normally don't like spicy food. But for some reason, I left it in this time, and you know what? It's DELICIOUS!! It's not spicy, it's just flavor. So don't leave it out, okay you guys??

Rosemary Cashews
Adapted from Ina Garten

• 1 bag of unsalted cashews
• 2 Tbsp. coarsley chopped rosemary
• 1/2 tsp. cayenne
• 2 tsp. coconut crystals
• 1 1/2 tsp. salt
• 1 Tbsp. coconut oil, melted

1. Preheat oven to 375 degrees. Spread cashews on a unlined, ungreased cookie sheet and toast for about ten minutes, or until fragrant. 

2. While the cashews toast, combine the other ingredients in a bowl and stir 'em up.

3. Dump the cashews in the bowl with the junk, give it a good mixing and then eat them. 

4. Thank the blogger who brought this recipe into your life.

My Paleo Superbowl Party Menu

Any given Sunday you might find me doing the following:

-Painting my nails

-Washing my hair for the week (once, maybe twice, is sufficient)

-Live tweeting the red carpet arrivals for the Emmys/SAG awards/Oscars, etc.

-Re-watching episodes of My Drunk Kitchen on YouTube.

Oh, hey, you know what I'm not doing any given Sunday (or day that ends in "y")? Watching football. Okay, let's not discriminate here--the truth is, I'm not watching any sporting event. Ever. You know what I will watch? An old lady trying to recapture the talent and success of her youth, shimmying around in a crotchless pleather girdle for 10 minutes before descending the stage into the arms of her son. I mean, boyfriend. In other words, Madonna.

For me, the Superbowl is really just an excuse to watch what I can only hope is a trainwreck of a half-time show (in recent history, Janet Jackson's wardrobe malfunction or Fergie's vocal malfunction have been particular favorites) and willingly watch advertisements for cars, potato chips, and silicon implants, all while stuffing my gourd with the nearest starch and cheese dip. But not this year!!

I mean, I'll still be stuffing my gourd, but as for the menu, I'm going to keep it paleo. Here's what I'm planning on serving at our pigskin bash:

Nibbles 

1. Maple-glazed cinnamon almonds and Rosemary Cashews (recipe coming tomorrow)

2. Walnut red pepper dip with red pepper paleo crackers

MEAT

Buffalo wings

Instead of frying ours in vegetable or peanut oil, I'm going to use coconut oil. It has a very high smoke point (key for frying) and adds a tremendous flavor to meat. I'll be making the sauce with ghee instead of plain butter.

3. Mini cauliflower crust pizzas

Beanless chili

I'm strongly considering this recipe (minus the teaspoon of sugar, duh)

Sides

4. Sweet Potato chips

5. Faux-tato salad

Dessert

6. Vanilla pavlova topped with paleo chocolate pudding (it tastes like frosting!!) and whipped coconut cream

Drinks

Mint Iced Tea

Whatever booze Kyle picks up

What's on YOUR Superbowl menu??

Seriously Funny

Generally speaking, I don't get into the topic of "feelings" here, in large part because I'm incapable of having them, but also because, it isn't shouldn't be what you come here for--you should come here for entertainment and entertainment only. If you happen to become happier, prettier, and judgmental-ier because of it, well, that's just icing on the cake (that you should then immediately throw up).

Despite all my efforts to remain closed off and out-of-reach, I have, miraculously, managed to make BBFs (blog best friends).

I mean, there's Megan, who I now think of every time Zooey Deschanel rears her "adorkable" head.

There's Whitney, who is hilarzballs USA and watches The Bachelor with me each week, mostly so we can make color commentary on the trainwreck ABC molests our eyes and girlish sensibilities with.

And then, there's Jenna, who holds a special place in my major blood-pumping artery. Jenna was the first true blog friend I made, and it's blossomed into something that I'm pretty sure only movies starring Sandra Bullock can explain. I mean, after all, we cook alike, we talk alike, at times we even walk alike--we're basically the Cathy and Patty Duke of the blogging world. I'd like to think that, if I hadn't ruined my parents on the idea of reproducing, perhaps I would have a little sister just like Jenna. Which is why, when things are just not going her way, I feel inclined to try to make her feel better. Cheer her up, ya know? So, in that spirit, I did what any self-proclaimed pseudo-big-sister with a public forum would do: rounded up a collection of internet crap that will cheer her (and you) up!

Natalie Dee

Anything Tiny Fey Says

This Lady

Internet Memes of Michael Kors

Joey Wearing All of Chandler's Clothes

A Collection of Some ECards

Anything Jean-Ralphio

The Entire Flight of the Conchords Collection

Kristen Bell Freaking Out Over a Sloth

My Drunk Kitchen

If you're still with me, did you pee your pants from all the hilarity yet?? Where do you troll the internet for a surefire pick-me-up and epic lolz??? Leave 'em for Jenna in the comments.

Weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!