**I never include disclaimers on my posts, but I've gotten an inordinate number of comments from lots of people who are offended by my use of "language" in this post. Spoiler alert: I say god damn. If that offends you, leave now and never come back, because really, it only gets worst from here. Do not leave me a comment asking if it's necessary to use this language in a recipe post, because I will not publish it. And in answer to your question: Yes. Yes it's fucking necessary.**
Before going Paleo, I loved oatmeal. My mom used to make me steel cut oats with brown sugar and cinnamon, and we sometimes topped it with heavy cream when we were feeling spunky. God damn it was a delicious way to eat Oliver Twist-ian gruel! Until just a few years ago, I continued to eat oatmeal regularly for breakfast, despite the fact that it sometimes tore my stomach to shreds. It was just worth it!
Since becoming Paleo, I've obviously eliminated grains (including oatmeal) from my diet, but some days, I feel like I will literally vomit all over myself if I have to eat another breakfast of eggs and bacon. And so, here we are: my answer to a grain/oat-free Paleo breakfast with nary an egg or strip of bacon in sight.
I present to you, faux-tmeal.
I'm a big Sunday meal-prepper, which means I like to cook ALL THE FOOD on Sunday so we can basically just reheat and eat throughout the week, because, let's face it, cooking is a real bitch sometimes, so this faux-tmeal is a perfect addition to my weekly rotation. You can make a huge vat of this stuff and then dole it out into separate containers for breakfast (or a tasty dessert).
So what's in this magical, grain-free "faux-tmeal" you ask?
Two words: Acorn squash. BELIEVE IT HUNNY!!!!!!!!
Acorn squash, unsweetened coconut flakes, and coconut milk make up this delicious dupe. Seasoned with a few spices and topped with goodies like nuts and berries and you'll be transported to the age of 82, when you can only eat foods safe for denture wearers.
This "faux-tmeal" isn't as chewy as the oatmeal you're used to (unless of course you're used to that shit that comes in a packet with names like "Fruit and Cream"--spoiler alert...that's not real fruit!), but the coconut does give it a really satisfying texture regardless.
Anyone else a fan of oatmeal? What do you eat when bacon and eggs just isn't cutting it anymore?
Faux-tmeal (Paleo Oatmeal)
Makes about 6 servings
- 1 medium acorn squash
- 1/3 can coconut milk (more if you're squash is large)
- 1/3 cup of unsweeted shredded coconut or coconut flakes
- 1 Tbsp. cinnamon
- 1 tsp. groung ginger
- 2 tsp. honey (optional)
1. Pre-heat oven to 400 degrees F.
2. Slice acorn squash in half. Fill a roasting pan about 1" deep with water, then place the squash halves flesh-side down into water and roast for about 45 minutes to an hour, or until flesh is very soft.
3. Scrape out seeds and discard.
4. Spoon out squash into a saucepan. Add coconut milk, coconut flakes, and seasonings and cook over medium heat until well incorporated.
5. Using a potato masher or hand blender, puree squash slightly so there are no large chunks (this isn't a puree, but you want to blend down the fibers). It should be relatively thick, so if it's not, try adding more shredded coconut and/or coconut milk.
6. Top with nuts, shredded coconut, coconut milk, or berries. Serve hot!
