Monday, March 25, 2013

Faux-tmeal (Paleo "Oatmeal")

**I never include disclaimers on my posts, but I've gotten an inordinate number of comments from lots of people who are offended by my use of "language" in this post. Spoiler alert: I say god damn. If that offends you, leave now and never come back, because really, it only gets worst from here. Do not leave me a comment asking if it's necessary to use this language in a recipe post, because I will not publish it. And in answer to your question: Yes. Yes it's fucking necessary.**
Before going Paleo, I loved oatmeal. My mom used to make me steel cut oats with brown sugar and cinnamon, and we sometimes topped it with heavy cream when we were feeling spunky. God damn it was a delicious way to eat Oliver Twist-ian gruel! Until just a few years ago, I continued to eat oatmeal regularly for breakfast, despite the fact that it sometimes tore my stomach to shreds. It was just worth it! 
Since becoming Paleo, I've obviously eliminated grains (including oatmeal) from my diet, but some days, I feel like I will literally vomit all over myself if I have to eat another breakfast of eggs and bacon.  And so, here we are: my answer to a grain/oat-free Paleo breakfast with nary an egg or strip of bacon in sight. 

I present to you, faux-tmeal.
I'm a big Sunday meal-prepper, which means I like to cook ALL THE FOOD on Sunday so we can basically just reheat and eat throughout the week, because, let's face it, cooking is a real bitch sometimes, so this faux-tmeal is a perfect addition to my weekly rotation. You can make a huge vat of this stuff and then dole it out into separate containers for breakfast (or a tasty dessert).
So what's in this magical, grain-free "faux-tmeal" you ask? 

Two words: Acorn squash. BELIEVE IT HUNNY!!!!!!!!
Acorn squash, unsweetened coconut flakes, and coconut milk make up this delicious dupe. Seasoned with a few spices and topped with goodies like nuts and berries and you'll be transported to the age of 82, when you can only eat foods safe for denture wearers. 
This "faux-tmeal" isn't as chewy as the oatmeal you're used to (unless of course you're used to that shit that comes in a packet with names like "Fruit and Cream"--spoiler alert...that's not real fruit!), but the coconut does give it a really satisfying texture regardless.

Anyone else a fan of oatmeal? What do you eat when bacon and eggs just isn't cutting it anymore?

Faux-tmeal (Paleo Oatmeal)
Makes about 6 servings
  • 1 medium acorn squash
  • 1/3 can coconut milk (more if you're squash is large)
  • 1/3 cup of unsweeted shredded coconut or coconut flakes
  • 1 Tbsp. cinnamon
  • 1 tsp. groung ginger
  • 2 tsp. honey (optional)
1. Pre-heat oven to 400 degrees F. 
2. Slice acorn squash in half. Fill a roasting pan about 1" deep with water, then place the squash halves flesh-side down into water and roast for about 45 minutes to an hour, or until flesh is very soft. 
3. Scrape out seeds and discard. 
4. Spoon out squash into a saucepan. Add coconut milk, coconut flakes, and seasonings and cook over medium heat until well incorporated.
5. Using a potato masher or hand blender, puree squash slightly so there are no large chunks (this isn't a puree, but you want to blend down the fibers). It should be relatively thick, so if it's not, try adding more shredded coconut and/or coconut milk.
6. Top with nuts, shredded coconut, coconut milk, or berries. Serve hot!


34 comments:

M. Flynn said...

Looks so good! The acorn squash blew my mind. Whaaat?

whitney said...

i was just thinking about how i can't eat another egg for breakfast.

problem solved.

you're my hero.

Jenna | The Paleo Project said...

wow, I did NOT see the acorn squash coming. Amazing.

Corey said...

I don't follow the paleo diet buuuut I'm a huge fan of swapping veggies for other food products. This looks delicious!!

Erin @ Currently Coveting said...

This is amazing, it looks just like oatmeal! (which I eat everymorning..) You should write a grain/dairy free cook book.

xx,
E

christin said...

This looks delish. I need to make it. When I get sick of eggs I make the paleo pancakes with egg and banana. Those seem to do it for me.

Whitney Cosgrave said...

mmm this actually looks/sounds quite good! i'm new to your blog so not sure if you're totally paleo or just trying it out. I'm going to look through and figure it out!

Jamie said...

aaaaaaaaaaaand I will be making this.

I used to eat oatmeal all the time thinking I'd lose weight. Instead I gained weight. F*ck you, Oatmeal!

Julie / Bound said...

Who knew acorn squash could be such a badass? Amazing.

Anonymous said...

I like it! I will probably just mix the spices and coconut milk into canned pumkin though, because I'm lazy and I like pumpkin...

dawnpoints said...

oh gosh, I've super missed oatmeal. thank you thank you!!!

Gayla said...

This looks like a delicious bedtime snack!

Fitness Model said...

Looks delicious! I have a lot of clients on an uber low carb diet, so this will work in to their breakfast choices just fine! Maybe some sausage on the side to round out the protein content...thanks!

Kristin W said...

My husband was just saying how sick he is of the same old eggs for breakfast on Whole 30. I'm going to try making this for him this week. Can't wait to try it!

Mary McGuire said...

HAHAHA!!!

Anonymous said...

try it with cauliflower - shredded (grated) prior to cooking

Anonymous said...

Absolutely delicious!!! Thank you so much for sharing! It's super easy, tasty, and a wonderful healthy change up for me having numerous food
allergies. My bowl was the acorn shell, that was fun!
Thanks again, this will be a staple now for me
Amanda

Anonymous said...

I am so excited to give this recipe a try!!
One thing though, does it matter if I steam or boil the acorn squash instead of roasting it?

Kristin Robinson said...

Just made this with some left over sweet dumpling squash. I cooked up a little diced apple to add to it and also some raisins. Didn't need the honey. It was so good!

Carrie said...

My youngest is actually allergic to oats and I have been looking for a good alternative as we are in a breakfast rut! I will have to give this a try!

Abby said...

Just tried this and its a great change of pace from eggs. I added some kosher salt and topped with slivered almonds. Delicious!

Anonymous said...

I really enjoyed this different breakfast recipe. I added slightly more coconut flakes and slightly less cinnamon. It was great! Even my non-Paleo husband enjoyed it! Thank you for such a delicious & inventive recipe.

J.Flo said...

I just made this and think it would be Awesome without the ginger. The ginger ruined the whole batch, it's way too much. Next time I'll make it without ginger, and I know it will be awesome! Thank you so much!
P.S. Ground ginger is misspelled ;)

Anonymous said...

I made this today and it was sooo good! It actually tasted like oatmeal and not like squash at all.

tiger. said...

Re: Your disclaimer: Awesome.

Also, this recipe looks great and I can't wait to try it. I would never have thought of using squash as an oatmeal replacement!

debbie said...

Not sure what I like more ... the recipe or the "disclaimer" :)

MichellePW said...

I have made this twice now and it was wonderful both times. Really hit the spot. Even my husband who isn't big on new meals enjoyed it. The second time I made it I used large flakes of coconut and it really gave it a chewy texture. Thanks for this great post.

MichellePW said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Anonymous said...

Wondering how it holds up for leftovers. Six servings is a lot, since I am probably the only one who will eat it.

Keri said...

Made this and added sweet potatoes....OMG, I'm in heaven!!!!!

Trish said...

Fucking Awesome!! Thank U

Anonymous said...

Thanks for posting this - I just got put on an elimination diet by my naturopath. No eggs, no grains, no dairy, no sugar or high glycemic fruits for a few weeks until I can start reintroducing them. Soooooo my options for breakfast are unsweetened smoothie, sausage with vegetables, coconut flake 'cereal,' and now this! This was very delicious and filling this morning, and I have a few more servings for the rest of the week! By far my favorite option so far--thanks for sharing!

Linda MacMillan-Whalen said...

I'm sort of falling backwards into Paleo since learning that I am allergic or sensitive to most grains, and my life-long love of oatmeal (steel-cut all the way, baby!) Was slowly killing me. Since I'm allergic to eggs, too, though, breakfasts have been vexing. I can't WAIT to try this tomorrow! Looks amazing! Thanks for sharing.

Linda MacMillan-Whalen said...

I'm sort of falling backwards into Paleo since learning that I am allergic or sensitive to most grains, and my life-long love of oatmeal (steel-cut all the way, baby!) Was slowly killing me. Since I'm allergic to eggs, too, though, breakfasts have been vexing. I can't WAIT to try this tomorrow! Looks amazing! Thanks for sharing.

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