Kolaches and Me

For the past two years, I've had a craving. Not for cowbell, but for kolaches (pronounced: kuh-lotch-eeees). This is reason #589 I know something is wrong with me. I mean, multi-year cravings?? Who does that, besides omni-pregnant Michelle Duggar??

"Why not just eat a kolache then, Melissa?" you might be wondering, to which I would say you "What are you, some kind of idiot??" (I can be a real bitch sometimes, you guys), because kolaches are as hard to come by outside of Texas as say, real noses or intelligence in a Miss USA pageant. 

Because of their scarcity, my guess is there is an unfortunate number of you have never seen/eaten/heard of these delectable little breakfast treats before. Therefore, I feel it's my civic duty to enlighten you (and also purely self-indulgent to satiate my craving) about that which will likely leave your life, and thus any meaning in it, empty.

Kolache shops are about as prevalent as donut shops here in my home state. As a matter of fact, you can even find kolaches sold IN donut shops! You can buy them individually or by the dozen. I did the latter because, hey, when in Rome...

Kolaches can be either savory or sweet, in flavors like sausage and cheese, bacon and cheese, "Italian" (which is just pepperoni), and a variety of fruit toppings.

{Cream Cheese kolache topped with brown sugar}

All kolaches start with a delicious, slightly sweet, yeasty dough, very much like Hawaiian bread. 

They don't really look like much to the naked eye, but this is one of the few times in life I would sway from my motto of "it's what's on the outside that matters," to implore you that true beauty can really only be found on the inside of these pillows of delight:

For it's on the inside that you will find gobs of bacony, cheesey goodness swirling around the light, fluffy exterior.

 Or link sausage and cheddar cheese.

And for the less adventurous eaters of you, one of my favorite kolache shops (and the one my mom used to visit when I was only a wee child), Morning Kolaches, also makes fluffy, gooey cinnamon rolls:

But this isn't amateur hour, so I left the cinnamon rolls to my Dad and went on ahead and ate three kolaches this morning. I've never felt more lethargic in my life.

Oh, and, for the record, I'm not staying Paleo through the holidays. This isn't North Korea* you guys...I can do what I want!!!

*On a serious note, how awesome is it to NOT live in North Korea??

TwoFaced Wednesday: Sweet Potato Salad

I've already told Jenna this, but today's TwoFaced is probably my favorite recipe to date. And it all started with near-rotting tubers.

You see, last week, I bought three large sweet potatoes for literally no reason. Usually when I go grocery shopping, I try to plan out what I'll be making and build a list based on a predetermined set of meals, otherwise I'd end up bringing home things like edible flowers and multiple cartons of Coconut Milk Egg Nog, basically stuff I don't really know how to justify spending my money on. I had no plans to make anything with sweet potato, but they were singing their siren song to me, like a trampy little harlot asking passers-by if they were "lookin' for a good time." I'm talking about prostitutes, by the way. 

Slutty sweet potatoes

So as I mentioned, I had no reason to buy sweet potatoes, but I figured I could mash them or make them into fries at the very least, but a week had passed and still, I had nary given them a second glance, until I remembered an Asian-style sweet potato salad Kyle's mom makes. It's sweet, spicy, tangy, and entirely addicting. If I remember correctly, her version included peanut butter and possibly some brown sugar. I was able to make a couple easy swaps, and one surprising swap for soy sauce, making this sweet potato salad paleo and delicious!  

Most recipes call for soy sauce, but I nearly opted to leave it out (soy ain't paleo, ya know?), until I spotted this miracle of miracles.

Yeah, in case coconut crystals and coconut nectar weren't cray cray enough, Coconut Secret goes and blows your mind all over again with a soy-free soy sauce (made with coconut nectar and salt). It's not as salty as the real stuff, but it makes for an incredible substitute (even if it does punch you right in the ovaries at $5 a bottle) in any recipe calling for soy sauce.

I'm gonna just stuff my face with some of this while you go
check out The Paleo Project's take on the sweet potato!

Sweet Potato Salad
Makes a lot

• 2-3 large sweet potatoes
• 3 Tbsp. almond butter
• 1/4 cup apple cider vinegar
• 1/4 cup Raw Coconut Aminos (soy sauce replacement)
• 4 teaspoons toasted sesame seed oil
• 3 teaspoons minced peeled ginger
• 3 cloves garlic, minced
• 1 1/2 Tbsp. maple syrup

Garnish

• 2 Tbsp. roasted, unsalted almonds, chopped
• bunch of green onion, sliced thinly

1. Peel and chop sweet potatoes into bite-sized chunks. Add potatoes to a pot and add enough water to cover. Bring to a boil until sweet potatoes are fork tender (about 5 minutes). Strain potatoes.
2. In a large bowl, whisk all the other ingredients together. Add potatoes, green onions, and almonds. Toss to coat. Taste it at this point, and then add salt and pepper if needed.
3. Refrigerate for a few hours before serving.

Gingerbread Cupcakes, CupcakesOMG! Style

Do you ever feel cheated when you visit my blog and realize I rarely post about cupcakes anymore? Yeah, well you can suck it, because this is MY blog and I do what I want! 

However, today you're in luck! I made these sweet and spicy gingerbread cupcakes topped with white chocolate buttercream for my friend Leslie and my joint-Christmas party this weekend.

They tasted like Christmas and the 4th of July, sweet and cool and spicy and hot all rolled into one.

Are you dying to try them yet?

I realize these look a little more "home ec" than my usual cupcake offerings, but the truth of the matter is the white chocolate buttercream is incredibly sweet, which pairs really well against the spicy cupcakes, but even still, a glob of piped buttercream would just have been too much. And you know I'm basically like Buddy the Elf when it comes to sugar...

So instead, I swiped it on with an offset spatula and sprinkled on a few gingerbread shaped sprinkles. I'm pretty sure there's some unspoken rule that you need to put a garnish of something that's in a dish on top of it so people know what they're about to get themselves into. That's my reasoning.

Gingerbread Cupcakes with White Chocolate Buttercream

Makes about 22 cupcakes

Cupcakes

• 1 1/2 cups AP flour
• 2 Tbsp. ground ginger
• 2 tsp. ground cinnamon
• 1/4 tsp. ground nutmeg
• 1/4 tsp. ground cloves
• 1 1/2 cups (3 sticks) unsalted butter, room temp
• 1 1/2 cups sugar
• 3 Tbsp. unsulfured molasses
• 4 eggs, room temp
• 1 tsp. vanilla extract

1. Preheat oven to 350 degrees. Line a cupcake tin with liners. Mix together flour and spices.
2. In an electric mixture, beat butter and sugar on high until pale and fluffy (about 5 minutes). Add the molasses, beat until combined. Add eggs, one at a time and beat until each one is incorporated. Don't forget to scrape down the side of the bowl as needed. Add vanilla. 
3. Reduce speed to low. Slowly add flour mixture, beating until just combined.
4. Using an ice scream scoop, fill liners 3/4 full with batter. Bake for about 20-25 minutes or until a toothpick comes out clean. While cupcakes cool, make buttercream.

White Chocolate Buttercream

• 2 sticks unsalted butter, room temp
• 12 oz. white chocolate (don't use chips, they have a waxy coating that will give the frosting a weird texture...look for a baking chocolate bar instead)
• 1 cup powdered sugar
• 1 tsp vanilla extract
• 1 Tbsp. milk

1. In a glass bowl, melt the white chocolate (I'm not gonna explain how to do this...you're an adult, you should know how by know). Let cool.
2. In an electric mixer, beat butter until pale and fluffy. Add cooled melted white chocolate. Mix to combine. 
3. Add powdered sugar to taste. It will be very sweet, so add in 1/2 cup increments to taste. Add vanilla and milk if it seems to thick.
4. Frost cupcakes and decorate with sprinkles.

Strike a #Pose

{Zara blazer, Stylemint Newbury tee, 7 for All Mankind jeans,
Jeffrey Campbell wedges, Kate Spade iPhone case}

Because I consider all of you an extension of myself, I imagine that, like me, you'd want to stay abreast of the biggest trends in all things social media/popularity. With that, I bring you Pose, a free app that takes a Narcissistic interest in fashion to a whole.nuther.level. It's basically Instagram for style. I've been obsessedies with it since I got it a couple of weeks ago, and because I don't have the kind of boyfriend willing to go into work late just to take pictures of my adorable outfits for my blog (rude, right?), I rely on Pose to bring the latest and greatest of my wardrobe to all of my fans*. And if you're not already using it, I thought I'd round up a few of my favorite looks.

If you download Pose, you can follow me as "cupcakesomg". 
*At a Christmas party this weekend, I was speaking with a friend of mine about giving a name to my CupcakesOMG! readers/fans, not unlike Lady Gaga has bequeathed the name "Little Monsters" to hers. I'm currently accepting ideas, so if you've got a good one, leave it in the comments! 

{H&M hat, Express sweater, Express jeans, Foley + Corinna bag, Sam Edelman heels} 

 {Zara sweater, Express jeans, Sam Edelman heels}

White Paper Packages Tied Up in Bling

{Step 1: Cut your shapes from glitter paper and buy Glue dots. Step 2: Adhere glue dots to "stickers".
Step 3: Stick those stickers all over your present to your heart's content.}

You know how they say "imitation is the sincerest form of flattery?" Yeah, well that's all crap. Imitation is the sincerest form of being unoriginal. But originality doesn't really matter when you're copying something that's pretty. It just...doesn't.

Take for instance the beautiful Christmas paper you see above/below. A few months ago, I found this artwork (which, incidentally, is a copy of some Kate Spade dishes), and decided to make my own Christmas wrapping paper in its form. Because, it's like I always say: "what's on the inside counts, but it's what's on the outside that MATTERS." (It's true for people and presents.)

So, armed with my one-dimensional vanity and a zest for Christmas rivaled only by the Target lady, I got to work on the project. The whole thing was pretty easy, save for the part where I had to cut out my own "stickers," but just like beauty, Christmas is pain. 

You'll Need:

• White wrapping paper (I bought four rolls because they were fairly small--from Papyrus)
• Decorative paper (gold glitter, gold metallic, white glitter--all from A.C. Moore)
• Scrapbook circle punch 
• Glue dots
• Your imagination
• An appreciation for beauty

It's pretty simple, really. Just cut out a punch of dots, put the glue dots on the back, and then place wherever you like on your wrapped gift.

I did an overlay scale design on this one, which was clearly my favorite.

I did a heavy concentration in the upper corner on this one, and let it disippate across the package.

For extra punch, I tied a couple of the larger packages with wired, glittery red ribbon.

It's probably the best wrapping anyone has ever done in the history of time.

Has anyone else ever ripped off designed their own wrapping paper before? Have you even wrapped your presents yet?? Why doesn't Target air crazy Target lady commercials year round????

A Comment About Comments

I don't think I'm out of line to speak on behalf of every single blogger of all time when I say, getting comments on my blog posts literally makes my life. It tells me that you're here and you're compelled to interact with me, probably in thanks to my never-ending supply of charm and self-involvement. Or for your own blog promotion. Look, I don't care what your motivation is, all I want to say is that I love it. 

However--and stay with me here--there are way too many of you to count who are pissing me straight off! 

Many of you will leave a comment with a question or a funny remark or just a great compliment about my beauty, to which I'd love to respond back, but I can't. Why not? Because you're not leaving an email for me to do so. And it just killsssssssssssssssssssss me!!

Sure, I might have a link to your blog in the comment, and I might even visit your blog (which I do quite often), but I'm probably definitely not gonna seek out your email from there to write you back. I got stuff to do! Instead, I hit "reply" to the email your comment comes to me as and am either able to write you back directly or am met with some no-reply Blogger email that will be sent into a great abyss, never to be seen or heard from again, like Lindsay Lohan's career.

I'm not suggesting you put your email address in the comment itself (what are you, a n00b?). It's an easy fix, really. If you have a Blogger or Google account, all you have to do is include your email account on your profile page. Not sure if you've done this? Just check out your blogger profile and see if it says "Email" underneath your picture, like so:

If not, then update it. No, really, it IS that simple!

I swear, if you start doing this, I will write you back so hard. It will totally be worth it. Think of it as your own custom blog post. What's NOT to love, am I right? 

The Washington Ballet's "The Nutcracker" (and Why Dressing for the Theatre Matters)

{BCBG dress, H&M blazer, Sam Edelman heels, Michael Kors watch}

Because it's Christmastime and I'm classy and junk, Kyle and I went to The Washington Ballet's "The Nutcracker" last weekend. That's right people, I'm about to review a ballet--shit just got real.

First of all, take a moment to appreciate my adorable ensemble. In a slight "tip of my hat" to the ballerinas, my dress has just a peek of tulle at the bottom and I wore my hair high on my head. A bun would have been too literal, so I opted for a pony tail instead. 

And I looked amazing. The same can not be said of other people.

What happened to getting dressed for the theatre? Look, I think society has allowed us to come pret-tay far when it comes to looking like you've just given up nowadays compared to times long passed (i.e., flying, church, work), but I don't care who you are, yoga pants are NOT welcome at the theatre. <--Do you see the way I'm even spelling the word? You probably should dress up just to read it!

Did you pay more than $50 for a ticket? Did someone hand you a playbill? Is someone wearing a costume on a stage?? Do the words on the building outside include "theatre"??? "Then why the crap are you wearing yoga pants and sneakers??" I wanted to ask the woman who strolled in mere minutes before the show started.

I know some of you might try to run to her defense in your comfortable rubber-soled footwear, but I don't care what the excuse is: she came straight from work, she's gained/lost a few pounds and can't find anything that fits, etc. My answer to all of these things? Plan better! I don't care if she wears her comfy clothes to Target or some children's sports game or something else equally depressing. I do, however, care that she have respect for the only place that truly asks patrons to dress up a little. Shit, she could have just swapped the sneakers for a pair of heels--I mean, Iiiiiiiiiiii probably wouldn't have been fooled by the pants, but I'm sure plenty others would have been. The point I'm making is this: the ballerinas you see on the stage twirling and pas de deux-ing in their point shoes and emaciated dancer bodies are in no way "comfortable." Why should you be?

End rant.

As for the ballet itself, it was amazing. Initially, I was concerned with the sheer volume of children in the show. I've seen a couple renditions of The Nutcracker in my day, so I'm well aware there are several, and in some cases many, children in the production, but this just had a lot. The first half moved a bit slow, but the kids had pretty good direction to be cute and entertaining, despite their lack of dance experience. Finally, the Snow Queen came on and that's where things started to pick up.

{The lobby, complete with tulle-lined awnings and signed ballet slippers}

I've never personally taken ballet, but I have seen Black Swan, so I'm pretty sure that makes me an expert on technique. That said, the dancing was beautiful. The choreography was also quite different, with what felt like fewer solo numbers and more giggle-worthy moments, but clean and graceful nevertheless.

Perhaps the most unusual part of the entire ballet was the extremely erotic rendition of the Arabian Dance. Usually, these dancers look like Aladdin and Jasmin, but these looked more like Pochohantas and Tarzan. And good god, was it sexual! I didn't mind, but I'm guessing a few parents in the audience might have had to explain to their kids where babies come from following the performance.

So yeah, the choreography and the dancers were beautiful, the sets were gorgeous, and the interpretation was new and fresh. Even Kyle enjoyed himself, albeit only into the second act. And mostly because of the kids dressed as mice and frogs and other woodland creatures sitting on the side of the stage being silly. But hey, at least he wasn't wearing yoga pants!

How to Host Out of Town Visitors

{Obligatory blogger shot at a farmer's market} 

Normally, Tuesday posts are reserved for the often imitated, never duplicated (it's probably true) TwoFaced recipe series, in which The Paleo Project and I take one shared ingredient and whip up our own paleo masterpiece. But not today. Instead, I bring you photographic evidence as to why there was no paleo cooking or baking this week (spoiler alert: it involves alcohol and non-paleo food). 

You see, continuing our blog BFF adventures, Jenna came down this weekend just to visit me for Blogger Blitz DC and stayed at the CupcakesOMG! abode. I don't know if it was the making her sleep on my couch part, force feeding her carbohydrates, or missing out on basically any and all D.C. sightseeing, but at some point this weekend, I realized I was a terrible hostess. I'm hoping that some of our new inside jokes and a rare glimpse into life with Kyle made the visit totally worth it for her, otherwise, this.is.awkward.

{First stop of the trip--a house of chocolate!}

{Peanut Butter Hot Chocolate with a homemade marshmallow. I mean, have you even HAD
a homemade marshmallow? It's like the angels were sitting around one day and all "let's make
the most delicious treat of all time" and then the prettiest of the angels took the lightest of the
sweetest clouds and dropped it down to Earth in little bite-sized squares. The end.}

Following a busy day of eating, shopping, and the watching half of The Help on OnDemand, we decided we should venture out for more eating and a lot more drinking.

{Kyle joined up with us at dinner and picked up the tab. He's a regular sugar daddy!}

{I do like to enjoy a beer through a straw sometimes, yes. This, however is plain ridiculous,
but for what it's worth, I was trying to play them like a harmonica. I don't even know
HOW to play the harmonica, btw.}

Jenna's second/last day in D.C. included brunch at Liberty Tavern, which happens to have one of the best brunch buffets in all the land. It also makes for great posing opportunities.

{Thank god we're eating again!!!}

{The one "monument" of sorts I let Jenna see--the fountain at Dupont Circle}

When's the last time you hosted a visitor? Do you cook for guests or do you go out?? Am I a bad hostess for not taking visitors to see the sights???