HIWWI: Topshop Leopard Scarf

{Topshop Leopard print scarf, $32}

Fall is calling for me. 

Actually, Fall is taunting me with its Regina George-esque smiles-at-your-face-calls-you-a-beyotch-behind-your-back two-facedness. 

The D.C. weather as of late has been dismal, at best. But not the autumnal, leaves falling on the ground, slight chill in the air kind of dismal. It's been grey, cloudy, rainy, and worst of all, fuckin' humid! I thought we got past the humidity in August, Weather!!! Is being the meteorologic equivalent to a sexual assualt (i.e., you have to take multiple showers to get it off of you) three times a month no longer enough for you???? Well, jokes on you, because while the humidity might have ruined my hair two times this week, the temperatures, they are a-changin', and with that, so are my fashion essentials. I'm swapping sandals for scarves. Namely, leopard print scarves, like this one from Topshop.

Last week, I saw a picture on Pinterest of an outfit I am now obsessed with. The dress was a nude, pleated trapeze mini with long sleeves. This dress doesn't have sleeves (or much of a back, for that matter), but it envokes the same flippy spirit of the other one and does so in a pale, dusty pink, perfect for matching my pale, untanned skin.

{Dress, $58}

Yet another trend I found on Pinterest, I love the idea of keeping warm-ish with a pair of leggings, layered underneath a knee-high sock, paired with a distressed boot. So, um, it starts with a basic pair of black leggings:

{Urban Outfitters Legging, $24}

Topped with a pair of over-the-knee socks (I like this khaki color for this look):

{Socks, $14}

And gets finished off with an amazing pair of distressed leather boots.

{Jeffrey Campbell boot, $299.95}

There's an expression out there about taking the road less traveled, but c'mon! We're wearing $300 boots!!! There will be no "paving the way" here. Take the road OFTEN traveled and pair this look with an expected red nail, but do it in a rich, deep burgandy.

{Deborah Lippmann Single Ladies, $16}

So what do y'all think? How would YOU wear it??

Pinterest Obsessions: Starvation Station

The last time I featured my Pinterest obsessions, y'all were all "ohmigod Melissa, you should totally do this on the reg. And also you're so pretty and funny and should probably have a reality show."

Okay, so some of that may or may not have been verbalized, but that doesn't make it any less true!!

While I could feature some of my newest boards dedicated entirely to shoes or man-eating braids, right now, I'm kinda obsessed with getting back on the Paleo bandwagon (a week in Ireland and a move shortly thereafter have gotten me so off track that I'm fairly certain my arteries are pumping pure corn syrup somewhat off track. That said, I've found many a Paleo recipe that I plan on incorporating into our October meal plans.

Roasted Eggplant topped with a tomato, mint, and feta topping

I know, right??? I mean, I don't even like eggplant, but this tomato topping would probably make, I dunno, a pair of dirty boxers taste delicious. Alright, so maybe that's a bit much--I even grossed myself out, but you knaw I'm sayin'?

Cauliflower Crust Pizza

I've been dying...DYING to try this whole cauliflower pizza crust whats-it. I know it won't be like eating actual pizza crust, but if I top it with gooey mozzarella and tons of fresh basil and close my eyes real tight, maybe, just maybe it will prevent my from freebasing another a large Domino's 'za...alone...as I cry myself to sleep...but not before I practice model poses in the mirror for an hour.

Primal Pumpkin Pie

I mean, it's pie. And not just a pie. A pumpkin pie. Made paleo. Paleo pumpkin pie for autumn. 'Nuff said.

Cauliflower and Bacon Soup

Since we're on the topic of autumnal foods, SOUP! And since I've already gone over the many virtues of cauliflower it should really come as now surprise that it makes an excellent addition/thickener to soups. Add in a healthy dose of bacon (and no, that's not an oxymoron) and you have a literal recipe for warming you heart and soul.

Paleo Chicken "Lo Mein"

When I'm not freebasing large pepperoni pizzas, I'm pushing the dangers of Chinese food on young, unsuspecting children. This version made with cabbage instead of noodles looks like a suitable (and let's face it, more legal) replacement for my Chinese food addiction.

Coconut Pumpkin Waffles

I may not own a waffle maker now, but if you see a crazy redhead running like a bat out of hell from Bed, Bath, and Beyond this weekend, you'll know why.

Have Your Cake and Wear it Too

It's been a long road, not without its bumps, but I'm finally doing it. 

That's right.

I.

Am.

GOINGTOWEARAWEDDINGDRESSMADEOUTOFCAKE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Couldn't you just die???? I mean, couldn't you just keel over and bite the big one, right now??? 

The 60-quart mixer whipping up the dress cake batter

So, yeah, I'm going to be modelling a wedding dress made entirely out of cake and icing. It goes without saying, but I'll say it anyway, that I'm supes excited. Of course, all I'll be doing is standing in a tube, licking icing off the dress, getting reprimanded for licking icing off the dress, and taking an obnoxious amount of pictures of me licking icing off the dress. The REAL talent here are the bakers, Katelyn Selin, Kait Ingram, and Sandrea Welch Park.

Katelyn and Kait using a little elbow grease to mix the red velvet batter (following proper DHEC guidelines, obvi!)

I first met Katelyn when she was living and working here in D.C., but a few years ago she went and made me uber jelly and went off to culinary school. Fast forward three years and she's finishing her last couple of months in pastry school in Charleston! 

So, these three ladies are going to be showcasing their baking prowess next Friday at Charleston's Iron Chef Competition (part of Southern Living's Taste of Charleston) via one wedding dress made entirely out of cake. Modeled by yours truly. Winky face!

If you're going to be anywhere near the Charleston area, you have to come by for this can't-miss event. I'll even sign autographs for the my Southern CupcakesOMG! fans out there. Just, don't touch me, 'cus, ya know, I don't touch commoners.

Sandrea and Kait celebrate the 44 baked vanilla and red velvet sheet cakes. Next up, icing!!

Fun Wedding Cake Dress Facts:

• Upon its completion, the cake dress will be 4 feet tall 
• The cake alone weighs 357 pounds--NOT including the icing! Model has declined to divulge her weight.
• The cummerbund will be made with fondant
• 56 pounds of butter and 48 pounds sugar will be used to make the Italian Buttercream alone! In the end, it will weigh 148 pounds!!!!!!
• All in, they'll use three types of frosting: Italian Buttercream for the skirt, American Buttercream for the bodice, and Royal Icing for the delicate flower and lace details on the neck and arms. 
• After the cake is built on the model (aka, me), it will be sliced and served for all to enjoy! Yes, even the commoners.

Friday Obsessedicals

Lana Del Rey is just about to become a super effing HYUAGE star and she doesn't even have a single released yet. I'm bringing her to you just before that happens, so you (like me) can be one of those annoying douchebags that says "Oh yeah, I've been listening to Lana Del Rey since before she was big..." and pretty much lose 85% of your dignity. It's totally worth it though, because her songs are To.Die.For. In fact, that's a theme in some of her songs (Kill, Kill; Kinda Outta Luck), but you won't pick up on it right away because her seductive, and sometimes baby, voice won't let you.

{Video Games is one of her most popular songs and likely her first single}

Like many "fresh out the oven" artists before her, Lana is under quite a bit of scrutiny from various assholes who still live with their moms in their upper-middle class homes, wear ball-cupping tight jeans, drink PBR from a can, and talk about anything mainstream with the same disdain one might talk about the crimes against humanity Hitler committed hipsters for her evolution from cutesy,struggling performer, domain investor's daughter Lizzy Grant (her real name) to every man's bombshell fantasy, lip-enhanced, "sadcore" recording artist Lana, to which I say "GET A JOB!!!!" I mean, seriously, how much time do these people have on their hands that they can spend their day scrounging up grainy pictures from 5 years ago, analyzing the whole "did she/didn't she" debacle of her mouth parts, when in reality, we all know they're jerking it to her picture??? I promiiiiiiiiiiiiise you, the world needs good health sanitation employees. Think of it as a fundraiser for getting yourself wasted and annoying more people with your pro-con list about whether you should get bangs.

Yes, she probably did get her lips enhanced, but who the fuck cares? If we judged an artist's merits solely on the basis of whether they've altered their appearance, we'd have...Weird Al Yankovich. That's it. Weird fucking Al. Is that what you hipsters want??? White dudes with bad afros singing parody songs? Well that's just fine, you can have them. I, on the other hand, prefer the likes of Lana, who is beautiful enough to get me interested and talented enough to keep me around for a long time.

If like me, you can't get enough of her, you can listen to all of her stuff (even from when she was Lizzy Grant) on Grooveshark.

So, what good music have you stumbled upon recently that's got you all obsessedicals?? 

Bad News/Good News

The bad news: my favorite heels (Sam Edelman Novato in patent blush) officially died on me today.

They'd been dying a slow, painful, clickety-clackety death ever since I wore the heels down to the nail. Tackytown right here, people, and I'm the mayor of it. Instead of taking them in to get resoled like any normal, self-respecting person would, I said screw it and kept on with my tacky self. But, I'm finally taking my shoes off life support today, lest I superglue the dangling threads of my self-respect back together.

The other bad news: Nary a single store in all the land seems to carry this shoe in my size any more. That's what I get for buying "out of season."

The good news: I just bought these Sam Edelman Lorna pumps for my F/W 2011 wardrobe to replace my dead heels.

I realize these are also not new for the season, but goddammit they're gorgeous!! And the enclosed heel feels far more autumnal than the slingbacks (read: the buckle won't just pop off while you're walking to the bank!)

The other good news: I'm sporting this awesome manicure that I stole from Cupcakes and Cashmere.

She hasn't done a tutorial yet, and well, neither have I, but I figured it out well enough, so you probably can too!

What's the bad news/good news in your life today???

I'm Bahhhhh-ck! Are You Still Here???

{An Irish sheep I'm near certain wanted to kill me}

Do you get the pun in this blog title?? DO YOU!?!? Hint: Refer to above picture.

Yes, finally, I'm back. Cue feigned sincerity: I missed all of you so, so much. Did you know that 80% of bloggers have a fear of losing all their readers upon taking even a few days' hiatus? It's a condition known as "insecurity". Symptoms include checking reader stats multiple times a day, refreshing your inbox for new comments you're not getting, and crying in the mirror, shower, and generally anywhere in public that won't kick you out.

So, assuming I even HAVE any readers left after a week-long break, I want to leave you with just a taste of some of what's to come over the next week. (Oh, and, heads up--I'm moving this weekend, so you probably won't hear a whole lot from me until next week. What's the saying...? Longing makes the heart lose interest?) 

I promise, it'll be worth the wait. BOOBS! See?! I'm getting your attention already.

{Me pouring a pint of Irish nectar, aka Guinness, upon an invite from the bartender. Don't mind if I dooooooo!}

{The breathtaking Irish scenery}

{If you didn't see a castle, you didn't go to Ireland}

{The amazing L'Occitane toiletries at our Hotel in Dublin--of which, I stole borrowed stole several}

{Cliffs of Moher and winds that scared the shit out of me!}

{Traditional Irish music at a traditional Irish bar...details of which I can't wait to share with you!}

{The effect Ireland has on my boyfriend}

Rhode Island is Neither a Road, Nor an Island: Discuss

As you already know, I was in Rhode Island last week for Kyle's brother's wedding. In the name of efficiency (I AM in Ireland after all...), here's a pictorial recap!

Here's the pitmaster (the rehearsal dinner was a North Carolina-style barbecue!).

A new beer I discovered and am now a huge fan of!

Kyle and his brother Scott in an intense conversation, likely about
the importance of wearing sunglasses on your head at all times.

Me and Kyle being ABSOLUTELY adorably adorables!

Del's Lemonade is apparently a Rhode Island thing, which is pretty much like a lemon
slushie or Italian ice, but made with real lemon and served in paper cups.

It wouldn't be Rhode Island without a little chowda'...

...and clam cakes (another Rhode Island specialty that's really like a fritter with chunks of clam).

The precious couple the festivities were in honor of...and stuff. I hate to end a sentence with a preposition.

My very un-paleo dish of barbecue sauce slathered pork, Texas toast, baked beans, coleslaw, and sweet potato casserole!

The couple kissed during the sabre ceremony

The reception was held at Aldrich mansion, the house featured quite prominently in the Brad Pitt trainwreck vehicle "Meet Joe Black"

It was absolutely stunning!

As was the cake, which was incredibly delicious! WEDDINGCAKEOMG!!!!!

Que Zara Zara!

Now that Zara's US site officially offers online shopping, here are some of the items I can't wait to go into debt for:

{Dress with side slits, $89.90}

I have no reason to own this ode to Morticia Adams. I'll probably end up wearing it to work just to get some use out of it.

{Faux Fur Coat, $99.90}

Because nothing says "I'm chic" like wearing a yeti.

{Metallic skirt, $39.90}

What can I say? I'm a sucker for a tulip skirt.

{Sweater with elbow patches, $59.90}

Cozy V-neck sweater with old-man elbow patches??? I'm THERE!

{Bell Bottoms, $79.90}

Bell bottoms generally conjure up images of Marcia Brady taking a football to the face, but these have a much more modern and far less violent feel.

{Heel, $89.90}

I hate trading in my sandals and peep toe shoes in the winter, but this gold-heeled camel pair could definitely ease the blow.

What are y'all dying to snatch up?!?!