Pinterest Obsessions: A Psychoanalytical Tale

Because it's Friday, and because I frankly have nothing better to post (I've got good things coming next week...f'reals ballz), I thought it might be interesting to examine what the various items I feel compelled to "pin" on Pinterest would seem to suggest about me. It'll be fun, like Psych 101...except remedial. And judgmental. And not based on any scientific theory whatsoever. Unless...superficiality is a theory.

Leave me with your psychoanalysis in the comments.

1.) Braids 

Because Subject shows an appreciation of braids, classically associated with a young girl's hairstyle of choice, clearly Subject longs for her youth. It is my my professional opinion she is sick of paying rent, making her own meals, and not hearing a bedtime story. Recommendation: Take up drinking to cope with adulthood. Also, learn how to do a waterfall braid.

2.) Closets

  

Freud might suggest an interest in closets might have something to do with latent homosexual tendencies, however, given Subject's incredibly liberal stance on gay rights and lack of interest in sports, the more likely conclusion is that Subject simply has unrealistic expectations. I mean, a closet with benches? Give me a fuckin' break. I can say fuck, right? Anyway, while the goal of having an in-home Barney's dressing room may be unrealistic, the aspirations indicate that subject has lofty goals and will likely achieve many of them. Recommendation: Befriend a contractor.

3.) Bracelets

Alright, now you're messing with me, right??? Subject really wants to wear glammed up friendship bracelets and meretricious stoned bracelets? No?? This is an actual thing? Hm, okay. In any case, Subject clearly doesn't shy away from garnering attention, indicating a clear passion for the slightly absurd. Recommendation: Avoid metal detectors.

4.) Desserts

  

From this "Pinterest" in all things sweet, my spidey senses tell me that Subject clearly has diabetes. Wait--I'm getting an update. Ah. No, in fact, Subject is free of any diet-related health problems. I suppose then that the interest in desserts suggests Subject both likes sweets and very much enjoys bringing smiles to people's faces with sugary treats. Recommendation: Get a gym membership.

5.) Fitness

 

Well, now this is interesting. Subject seems more complex than initially presumed. By collecting images of fit women, Subject is inspired to keep up her own fitness regime, making recommendation #4 erroneous. Recommendation: You go gurrrrl!

6.) Socks with Sandals

 

Sigh. I spoke to soon. Nevertheless, Subject's fascination with knee-high socks paired with dressy sandals suggests a sense of playfulness both in fashion and, surely, life. Recommendation: Avoid Catholic schools.

7.) Anything Fall/Winter related

 

Subject clearly lives in a swamp if she wants to see summer come to an end. Regardless, for many people, fall brings a sense of coziness and comfort with it, so it's understandable Subject longs for a chill in the air to justify sipping a hot apple cider. Recommendation: Enjoy it while it lasts.

You can follow said Subject on Pinterest here.