Brian Boitano Makes Cupcakes

Those of you who know who Brian Boitano is may best remember him as the ice-dancing superhero forever immortalized in song in South Park: Bigger, Longer, and Un-Cut:

Those of you who remember him because of his 1988 Olympics gold medal victory probably didn't graduate from high school in 2002. Just sayin'!

Regardless of how you know who he is, his new cooking show on the Food Network (What Would Brian Boitano Make?) is well worth watching.

I caught it Saturday afternoon, thoroughly convinced it would be as terrible as the rest of their new line-up (anyone see this??).

Instead of witnessing the inevitable hot-tranny-mess-car-wreck I was planning for, I actually found myself laughing out loud at Brian's fab-u-loussssss sense of humor and dying to make the mini bacon corn cupcakes with cream cheese chive frosting he whipped together for the local Roller Derby team.

Okay, so he called them muffins, but you can't have frosting on a muffin! I'm sorry friends, but that's how you know you're eating a cupcake.

I really wanted to post the clip for you, but I guess you'll just have to catch the rerun on Food Network instead. I imagine you'll have no problem finding it seeing how Food Network only airs 3 hours a week of new shows before they start repeating on loop.

So, in answer to the question, Brian Boitano would make these cupcakes. In asnwer to What Would Melissa Herald Do...? I'd eat these cupcakes, obvi!!

Ingredients

(recipe from www.foodnetwork.com)
For Muffins (or cupcakes, whatever)

8 strips bacon
3/4 cup all-purpose flour
1/2 cup cornmeal
3/4 teaspoon salt
2 teaspoons baking powder
2 tablespoons brown sugar
3/4 cup milk
1 egg
3 tablespoons butter, melted
1 tablespoon reserved bacon fat

For Frosting:
8 ounces cream cheese, softened
2 tablespoons honey
1 tablespoon hot sauce
1 bunch chives, sliced
Special equipment:
2 (24-count) nonstick mini muffin tins
Pastry Bag

Directions
Preheat oven to 375 degrees F.
Place bacon onto a baking sheet and bake until crisp about 12 minutes. Remove from baking sheet and place onto a plate lined with a paper towel. Reserve 1 tablespoon of the bacon fat. Once bacon is cool enough to handle, chop into small pieces.
Spray a 24-count mini muffin tray with non-stick cooking spray and set aside.

In a large bowl combine flour, cornmeal, salt, baking powder, and brown sugar. In a separate bowl whisk the milk and egg. Whisk the milk mixture, melted butter and bacon fat into the dry ingredients. Add 3/4 of the chopped cooked bacon, reserve remaining 1/4 for a garnish.

Fill each muffin cup with 1 tablespoon of the batter so the cups are filled about 3/4 of the way up. Bake in oven for 10 to 12 minutes or until a tooth pick inserted into the muffins comes out clean.

Allow to cool completely before icing.

While muffins are cooling, in a medium bowl beat the cream cheese, honey and hot sauce with a hand mixer until soft and combined. Add 3/4 of the sliced chives, reserve remaining 1/4 for a garnish. Mix until well combined.

Transfer mixture to a pastry bag and snip off the end.

Once the muffins have cooled, pipe a small amount of the cream cheese mixture on top of each one. Garnish with remaining crumbled bacon and remaining chopped chives.

TV Dinner Cupcakes

OMG, this is happening:

No, I don't think you understand...this is happening, like right now:

Like, literally, this is happening on the 17th floor of my building RIGHT. NOW.

If you can't tell what this is, most likely because you're missing the integral part of your brain that connects the message from your eyes to your cognitive thought, then these are cupcakes, yes cupcakes, designed to resemble a TV dinner (maybe this should have been a part of my manly cupcakes blog!). My new friend-simply-because-she-made-these-cupcakes Caroline made these for her birthday from the book Hello Cupcake.

I think we've got all the integral food groups covered:

• Drumsticks: cupcakes topped with donut holes, then frosted, dipped in crushed corn flakes and pierced with a white chocolate "bone"
• Peas & Carrots: a cupcake with green icing, topped with Skittle "peas" and Starburst "carrots"
• Mashed 'Taters: cupcake topped with lots of vanilla buttercream, caramel sauce and a Starburst "butter pat"
• Dessert: chocolate frosted cupcakes, obvi.

Let's say I commit a crime, okay? Just for arguments' sake, let's say that. Probably assualt with a deadly cupcake or intent to bake...something like that. Okay, and let's also say I were to be the center of a long, drawn out, very expensive, high profile court case that, I dunno, ends with me getting the death penalty. Let's just say, okay? You know how those people get like, a last meal? Alright, well this is what I would order.

It's really the only way to go.

I Know Everything About Cupcakes!!!

Lately, some of "The Daily Cupcake" subscribers have been sending me links to pictures of cupcakes or cupcake-related things, like these brain cupcakes...:

...or this NYC cupcake truck:

Let me start by saying I appreciate this, I really do. Not only because you've taken the time to notify me of cupcake news and events, but because you're obviously getting into cupcakes yourself. Admit it. Just a little...ehh??

That said, what no one has been able to do is notify me of something I didn't know. Whether it was a cupcake shop, a unique flavor combo, or just a new article about cupcakes, if it's not a national secret, I know about it.

So, it is on this day that I hereby challenge all of you to find something, anything newsworthy that is cupcake related that I don't already know. There may be a free cupcake in it for you.

Good luck. You'll need it.

Jim Reads My Stupid Blog/Wants More Manly Cupcakes

The other day, my friend Jim told me how much he liked my blog. Actually, that's not quite what he said. Our conversation went something like this:

Jim: I just wanted to let you know that I read your stupid blog and although I havent eaten a cupcake since I was 11, I find your writing to be entertaining and lively, Very engaging

Me: that's really humble of you to tell me that i'm better than you

J: wait what? where did I say that?

M: oh i was just reading between the lines

J: just accept the compliment, maybe write it down, and then leave it at that (Editor's note: I decided to blog about it)

Then there was some discussion about Jim's friend having moved in with his girllfriend (my new blogpal Jada from Better with Butter) and my suggestion that Jim start his own blog called "Musings of a Bitter Divorcee" which he didn't like since he's not divorced, not to mention never been married...I dunno, it all happened so fast.

Usually, I would have been offended by his calling my blog "stupid", but what I realized was that if Jim wrote a blog on, say, sports, like my friend John's (http://itsneversunnyincincinnati.blogspot.com/), I wouldn't like the topic either. Yes, I'd read it and possibly even enjoy it, but I would think it was stupid too, simply because sports do not interest me.

So, no, Jim's comment about my "stupid blog" wasn't offensive at all, but rather quite complimentary. Because despite the fact that he hates the content, he comes here and reads it every day. Do you come here and read my stupid blog every day? Yeah, who's rude now??

Thus, in honor of Jim, and all the dudes that read my blog--all three of 'em--I've compiled a variety of cupcakes that (should) appeal to dudes, either in flavor or concept. And if they don't appeal to you Jim, well thanks for visiting anyway.

Let's start with the savory, shall we?

Meat Cupcakes

Meat is usually the epicenter of a man's meal. I can't tell you how many guys I know who say it's not a meal if it doesn't have meat in it. This kills two birds with one stone: dinner and dessert.

Mini meatloaf cupcake, topped with mashed potatoes (the pink ones have been dyed) and a sprinkling of chives. You can find the recipe here.

Photo via flickr user dbrekke

Same idea here, but the green one is avocado mashed pototaes, topped with a sprinkling of parmesan.

What dude wouldn't want a birthday "cupcake" like this? These are more like a meatball than a meatloaf, topped with melted cheese and bacon bits. These are also more likely to give you a hear attack. Comme ci, comme ca. See more here.


Beer Cupcakes

I mean, it's beer. 'Nuff said.

Photo via airy fairy cupcakes

Sorry boys, you won't get your Friday night buzz from these chocolate Guiness cupcakes with cream cheese frosting, but hey, at least you can eat them and drive!

Photo via How to Eat a Cupcake

Mmmmm, beer and cheese! Not only is the cupcake part made with Sam Adams Summer Ale, so is the cheese "frosting"! Must. Have. One. Now.

Photo via Blondie and Brownie

Alright, I ran out of beer options, but who doesn't like root beer??

Bacon Cupcakes
You show me a guy who doesn't like bacon and I'll show you a guy who doesn't know what it means to live.

Photo via Kumquat Bakery Blog

Here's how you cure a hangover, boys: Maple Pecan cupcake topped with frosting, crushed pecans, and a nice slice of bacon. I'd have one of these the morning after a few too many beer cupcakes, if you know what I mean.

Photo via Photograzing

Chocolate Cupcakes topped with peanut butter and a chunk of chewy bacon.

Photo via Iron Cupcake Milwaulkee

This cupcake is made with dark chocolate, which means it's heart healthy...which is negated by the artery-clogging bacon on top. One negates the other, so it's practically like eating nothing at all!

Sports Cupcakes
For some reason, boys like sports. While you can't exactly incorporate cupcakes into sports, that doesn't stop people from expressing their enthusiasm for their favorite athletic activity through cupcakes.

Photo via Pink Cake Box

Billiard ball cupcakes suddenly make me want to pick up a pool cue. These are vanilla cupcakes covered with colored fondant. I call the 8 ball in the corner pocket...of my mouth.

Photo via flickr user clever cupcakes

See? Even football enthusiasts are into cupcakes. The Patriots are a football team, right?

If you look real closely, you'll see that even the cupcake liners are sports-themed, perfect no matter which season it is.

Let's face it, I could really go on and on, but you see, I've been writing this blog for over an hour now and if you're not Jim, you've probably stopped reading. But if you take nothing else from this, just keep in mind that cupcakes are for everyone, ever meal, and every tastebud.

Thank you, and good night.

Strawberry Peach Basil Cupcakes

By now, it should be quite evident that I'm smitten with filled cupcakes. Though some, I'd rather forget.

Photos via www.beantownbaker.com

I'm a frosting person, so I like to get my money's worth. Plus, they look super pretty when they're cut in half:

This is a vanilla buttermilk cupcakes filled with peach jam, strawberries and basil, topped with vanilla pudding peach/strawberry/basil infused frosting, and drizzled with peach/strawberry syrup. 

Look, I'm creative okay? I have red hair (big ups to my colorist). I write a blog. I live in the city. I wear big jewelry! But how people come up with these concoctions will never cease to amaze me!

This comes from the lady at Beantown Baker (link NSFW--Not Safe For Waistlines). This week she's been doing nothing but making cupcakes. Swoon. She doesn't have the formal recipe written out, but she does a really good job explaining how she made it.

Listen, I've spent the better part of my lunch hour looking at her blog, and all I can say is, I would give my right arm [jewelry] to have one of these. I can find another ring, but you tell me where I can find another strawberry/peach/basil stuffed cupcakes, mmkay?

OMG, OMG!! Free Cupcakes!!! OMG!

Yep, you read that right! I know, I know, but do try to compose yourself.

Next Tuesday, August 25th marks what shall go down in my personal history book as one of the greatest moments in cupcakes: Hello Cupcake is celebrating its one-year anni!!

From their website:

"...and it was on this fateful day in history, she declared Free Cupcakes for all." And so it was. "Henceforth, cupcakes shall symbolize peace and happiness." And so they did.*

*I'm working on a Pledge of Cupcake-llegiance. I have a ways to go.

The Largest Cupcake in the WORLD!

Need I say more, really?

Earlier this week, New Hampshire-based Ryan Abood (owner of Gourmetgiftbaskets.com) stunned the cupcake community with his World Record setting vanilla cupcake:

Photos by AP

The stats
Weight: 1,224 pounds
Calories: Two million
Eggs: 800
Flour/Sugar: 200 pounds each
Flavor: Vanilla
Bake time: 12 hours

You would think the two million calories would turn me off, but really, it doesn't. There's probably leftovers, right? Where do I get a slice!?!

Amy Sedaris Cupcakes

Do we all know who Amy Sedaris is? I think it's important that you understand Amy Sedaris in order to really appreciate these cupcakes.

If you were too lazy to click on the links, then at least check this one out:

As you can see, she wrote a book--a Bible, really--on entertaining. It's my favorite book ever.

Whether you want to put together a party for geriatrics, make a snack for your rabbit, or simply keep would-be snoopers our of your medicine cabinet (fill it with marbles, she says), this book is chock-full of the craziest, kitchiest yet most practical entertaining tips.

One of Amy's lesser known talents is her panache for baking cupcakes. In fact, she's been known to sell her cupcakes to bakeries in her neighborhood in New York. Despite owning her book for over two years now, I've actually never taken it upon myself to test out her recipe. That is, until this weekend.

I was headed to a friend's going away party on Saturday and wanted to bring these vanilla cupcakes, but because I was low on powdered sugar (hence the sparse frosting allocation) and short on time (hence the messiness of the whole thing), we have what you see here:

Oh, I also tinted the vanilla frosting yellow because it felt like the right thing to do.

Now, ordinarily, I'd have been rather disappointed in these little guys:

They're crumbly and peeling away from their liner and there's a severe lack of frosting, but I thought to myself WWASD (What Would Amy Sedaris Do?).

The answer is she would have served them and told her friends how damn lucky they are that she so graciously took the time to bring them cupcakes and furthermore how DARE they be so judgmental when they didn't bother to make any cupcakes for HER!!

She also would have recommended charging a quarter for each cupcake. Hey, a girl's gotta make a living.

I decided not to charge my friends and sucked it up and served them. And ya know what? Nobody even cared! Especially not Petey:

I think Kyle liked them, too. He liked it so much in fact, that he saved some for later--on his face:

That's actually not true. Well, I mean, he liked them, it's just that shortly after the previous picture, Petey mashed the rest of his cupcake in Kyle's face.

Again, I thought WWASD? And again, I realized she would tell me to shut up about it and keep on eating the swedish meatballs that Katelyn made!! And so I did.

So what have we learned today, class? Well, we've learned that Amy Sedaris is rather brash and offensive, but we've also learned that cupcakes don't have to look perfect to be delicious. Who knew?

Amy Sedaris' Cupcakes

1 ½ sticks of unsalted butter

1 ¾ cups of sugar
Beat well, then add:

Add 2 large eggs

2 Teaspoons of pure vanilla

½ teaspoon of salt

2 ½ teaspoons of baking powder

2 ½ cups of flour

1 ¼ cups of milk

Beat well, fill cups, and bake at 375 degrees for 18-20 minutes. You should get 24. I get 18, 'cause I'm doing something wrong.

Frosting

1 stick of unsalted butter

1 box of Domino confectionary sugar

¼ cup half-and-half

1 teaspoon of pure vanilla

Whip for a while, color if you want.

A Cupcake Cook-Off at the Office

Like Lady Gaga, I'm a trendsetter.

I know I take credit for lots of trends that can't necessarily be traced back to me (anyone else remember me rockin' white nail polish in winter '07??), but one thing's for sure: I have paved the way for cupcakes obsessions at my office.

When I got back from lunch today, my pal Erica called to notify me that a group of ladies on the 19th floor were holding their own Cupcake Cook-off, which was loosely, if not entirely, inspired by "The Daily Cupcake" e-mails I send...daily. Needless to say I:

1.) wasn't surprised by my ability to spark such enthusiasm in people and;

2.) got myself up there immediately!

Apparently this was a relatively last-minute cook-off in honor of a visiting coworker from our San Francisco office. (Hi, Alberto!!!) He was also selected as judge. Why I didn't get the memo remains unclear.

Nevertheless, there was a fine turnout of cupcakes, including Chocolate with mint icing and chocolate sprinkles:

Carrot Cake with Cream Cheese icing:

Chocolate with white icing and sprinkles:

What I dubbed "Do-it-yourself-Funfetti":


Vanilla Cupcakes with Chocolate icing topped with a raspberry:

And the ultimate winner, Red Velvet!

The winning cupcakes were made by Huong, so I made her pose with her cupcake:

Of course, I had try just a dainty, tiny bite of the winning selection:

This is Katie and Peter. We used to work together. We still enjoy cupcakes together:

I was really pleased with the event in general and mostly that it happened all, but I was thinking about the way I might have judged this cook-off. And since you're on my blog, I figured I'd give out my awards. That, and I've been watching a lot of Toddlers & Tiaras lately, so I'm in a judging mood, what can I say?

To be fair, I only tried the red velvet and mint chocolate chip, but I've been around a few cupcakes in my day, so I got this.

Best Presentation of a Cupcake: Vanilla Cupcakes with Chocolate Frosting, topped with a raspberry
Best Short-on-Time-So-I'll-Come-Up-With-A-Cute-Gimmick-to-Throw-People-Off Cupcake: Do-it-yourself Funfetti
Best Appearance by a Vegetable in a Cupcake Cupcake: Carrot Cake Cupcake
Best Store Bought Cupcake: Chocolate Cupcake with white icing and sprinkles
Tastiest Cupcake: (it's a tie) Mint Chocolate and Red Velvet...but you saw that coming, didn't you?

Tessa Makes Vegan White Chocolate Champagne Cupcakes/Discovers Meaning of Life

I just discovered a new blog called Cookies and Candids, a vegan baking blog by Tessa Strauss. From the name you can probably tell she does things other than cupcakes, but this...ohhhhh, this:

Photo by cookies and candids

This little gem is a champagne cupcake filled with a vegan white chocolate ganache and topped with champagne frosting and you can find the recipe here.

People search their entire life to figure out the purpose of their existence, what they can do to impact the world in someway, and express their whole being in the process.

Now, I don't know Tessa personally, but it seems pretty clear to me that this cupcake has accomplished all of the above.

That's right Tessa, sit back, relax and crack open a nice cold one (beer's vegan, right?), because you have found the cure for all that is wrong in this world with little more than a wisk and Almond Milk.

Humanity, and animals everywhere, thank you.

Gourmet Test Kitchen Bakes Cupcakes/Kitchen Not as Glamorous as Previously Thought

I came across this really great video that Gourmet had on its website called Cupcakes 101. I'm sure you get the premise: the basics of cupcake baking.

Whether you've never baked a cupcake in your life or if you continue to suffer the rise and eventual fall of your cupcake experiments, then subsequently blog/lament over why, oh why that could have happened to you...again, this is a really helpful video.




On a side note, can I just gloss on how completely-opposite-of-glamorous the test kitchen in this video is? What is this, amateur hour?? Who do they think they are...me?? Where's the granite countertop, the stainless steel refrigerator, the flattering lighting, for crying out loud?? What, did they take over their lowly associate editor's studio apartment kitchen in some hazing effort?? Gordon Ramsay would not be pleased. Not pleased, at all.

Let's blame it on the recession. It's the only way I can cope with this.

Chocolate Peanut Butter Cupcakes

In my quest to deliver deliciousness via cupcakes to the masses, I imagine I'll experience a few pitfalls as well as a few successes along the way.

I'm not sure how I'd classify this cupcake:

By all accounts, this looks like a pretty tasty cupcake. And yes, it was a tasty cupcake. Unfortunately, it came out a bit more dense than I'd planned it to be. It was almost more of a brownie texture than a cakey texture. Delicious, yes, yes of course, but this isn't BrowniesOMG! okay?


The peanut butter cream cheese frosting was yummy, absolutely, but it was a bit salty. Some liked it, some (i.e., me) thought it could have been sweeter.

My main disappointment though was that when I pulled these suckers out of the oven, they went from this, domed and high and puffy with so much promise...


...to this...


...in mere seconds. They didn't all fall flat, but yeah, that's basically what happened. Was it the 8 eggs in the batter? Yeah, probably. Was it the three sticks of butter the recipe called for?



Oh, without a doubt.


But hey, at least they were edible. I'm farily certain my cupcake tasters enjoyed them.
In the event you feel inclined to subject your insulin and cholesteral levels to this treat, here's what you need:

Lotta butter, lotta eggs, lotta chocolate.
Start by chopping the chocolate:


Then melt the butter with the chocolate:
Then you do some more stuff, but I don't have any pictures of that part...


And about 25 minutes later, you take 'em out of the oven:

Heyyyy, allllllriiiiiiiiight!

Ah, crap. FML.


Okay, well, no one will notice once you cover them in peanut butter cream cheese frosting.

Chocolate Cupcakes (adapted from cupcakeblog.com)
24 regular cupcakes (I got 16 'cus I'm doing something wrong)
350 degree oven (I set mine at 400 degrees to pre-heat and turned it down to 350 once I popped them in the oven with the goal of getting that domed effect. I'm still workin' out the kinks.)

200 gram bar of Dark Chocolate
3 sticks butter
2-1/4 cups sugar
8 eggs (you read that right)
1-1/4 cup flour
1/4 cup cocoa powder, unsweetened
1-1/2 teaspoons baking powder
pinch of salt

1. chop chocolate and transfer into a bowl.
2. add butter to the chocolate and place the bowl over a pan of simmering water to create a double boiler. stir until chocolate melts and butter is combined.
3. remove from heat and stir in sugar. let mixture cool for 10 minutes.
4. beat in an electric mixer for 3 minutes.
5. add one egg at a time, mixing for 30 seconds between each
6. sift the flour, cocoa powder, baking powder, and a pinch of salt into the mixture and mix until blended.
7. scoop into cupcake cups and bake at 350 F for 25 minutes or until a toothpick comes out clean.

Peanut Butter frosting (this didn't make quite enough for me, so you may want to up the proportions by half)

1 8-oz package of cream cheese
1 stick of butter
3/4 cups of creamy peanut butter
4 cups of powdered sugar

In a bowl, whip together the cream cheese and butter until fluffy. Add in powdered sugar about a cup at a time until light in color. Add peanut butter. Frost cooled cupcakes.

This one's for you, Hannah's mom--Orange Creamsicle Cupcake

Do you have those days where you just feel ordinary?

Wait...not "ordinary." Not like, Bridget Jones-ordinary. More like, not special? Not stand out? Like people can't see just how fabulous your outfit is, or how nauseatingly hilarious you are, or how delicious your cupcakes are???

Ah, you probably have no idea what I'm talking about. And let's face it, usually I wouldn't know what I'm talking about either since I'm so ridiculously good-looking and talented, however, I AM having one of those days.

But then, something happens--and it's generally a really small thing--but still, something happens that kind of turns you around, reminds you that even if you aren't standing out or doing anything "special" that day, that in fact people do notice you; that suddenly, that hiccup in your routine or not making good on something you said can disappoint.

I've been hearing from several of you that you're enjoying this blog, which really means a lot more to me than I'll probably let on because, let's face it, I'm too cool to care...you know.

But it does warm my cold, cold heart.

However, there's one reader in particularly that's made me feel rather "special" today, and no it's not my mom (although she would agree that I'm special, onnnnnnn more than one level). It's actually another reader's mom. And it was Mrs. Rowley in fact that pointed out that I neglected to post the recipe to this Orange Creamsicle Cupcake:

Photo by saucysprinkles

Looks...creamsicle-y, doesn't it?

So yes, I promised to post this recipe last Friday. Last. Friday. It's Tuesday!

And thankfully she sent me a comment asking, nay, demanding the recipe be posted ASAP (that's ay-sap, not A.S.A.P.), and thank God she did. Because regardless of the intent behind her reminder, it kind of fed my soul today, or whatever.

So if you're looking to feed your soul...er...stomach with this orange creamsicle cupcake, you can follow the link here, as the directions are less recipe and more story, very much like today's evening post.

Thanks, Hannah's mom.

Cupcakes, Dangerously

This is only somewhat cupcake-related, but it comes from one of my favorite websites, http://www.nataliedee.com/.

She's kinda sick and twisted, and that's why I like her. I think you will, too.

A Cupcake-tastrophy

Last week, I had the brilliant idea of making a filled cupcake. A strawberry preserves-filled strawberry cupcake, topped with chocolate cream cheese frosting.

Sounds good, don't it? Yeah, which is exactly why I wanted to make it. It wasn't meant to be I guess. Here's how they turned out:

To really understand the cupcake-tastropy that ensued here, we'll need to start at the beginning of this journey.

I was leaving work and the air was thick. The humidity had been tortuous all week, the sky so very eager to open up and release its watery wrath on the city down below. I hopped on the bus and decided to pick up a few last items for my recipe at Trader Joe's because it's nicer than the much more conveniently located, yet much less prestigious Safeway near my apartment. Mistake number 1.

As I gathered my two very heavy bags (oh, and my cupcake case, as I was bringing it home from work with the assumption I'd need it to bring my goodies back in the next day), the sky could hold it no longer and Mother Nature let out a torrentual piss on those down below. I fumbled with my purse, the two grocery bags, my cupcake case, and my tiny travel umbrella. Once I figured out I could hold my cupcake case in the same hand I was holding my umbrella in, I got on my way.

Unfortunately, my bus was nowhere in sight. I had no cash in my pocket and moreover, wasn't interested in hailing a cab for the 8 blocks or so to get to my apartment. So, I foolishly decided to walk home. Mistake number 2.

Just one block into my journey home, my grocery bag had become so wet, the handle broke. I shoved my umbrella back in my bag and, frizzing hair and all, I continued my walk home.

Did I mention I was sweating, too? Oh, yeah, sweating something fierce. It was hot out, okay!? Besides, when I'm frustrated and holding a soaking wet bag of groceries and a cupcake case through Dupont Circle, I sweat. It's just how I'm wired I guess.

I continued on like that until I got into my building. Of course there were lots of strange looks along the way, but none of them were accompanied by an offer of help. We're not in Texas anymore, Toto. So I dropped my groceries and cupcake case down and took a shower. I had never felt so clean in my life.

With that out of the way, I set out to make the cupcakes. I pureed the strawberries:

I mixed the batter:

And I filled the cupcake liners:

Then, I took them out of the oven (sorry, I didn't photodocument the moment. I was too upset, okay??!). They were flat, part of my continuing saga over finding the perfect recipe for a domed cupcake, and looked crumbly. But I ventured on, determined to make this work.

I cut out a cone shape in the middle of the cupcake to fill it with preserves:

(See how it looks crumbly? This is humiliating, but you have to learn from my mistakes, you hear me?!)

And topped them with the cream cheese frosting:

They don't look so bad here, but when I bit into it:

Dear Gaga, what a mess!! Everyone knows how superficial I am, and I realize that food doesn't always have to look pretty, but regardless, they did not taste good. I used a Martha Stewart recipe, which really doesn't do her justice, as I've had plenty of success using her recipes before, but they weren't sweet!

Maybe it was because I didn't use fresh strawberries (I used frozen, which created a lot of liquid), maybe it needed more sugar (even though I used the amount specified in the recipe), but I would not be bringing these in and subjecting my coworkers and myself to this cupcake-tastrophy. You're welcome.

So what's the lesson here? Well, I don't really know. Does there have to be one?? WHAT DO YOU WANT FROM ME?!

Maybe that was an overreaction, but you know, I'm just so close to my cupcakes.

I suppose the lesson here is don't try new things.* Ever. Especially if it's raining. Even more especially if you're bringing your cupcake case home. The end.

*Editor's Note: While you actually should try new things, you should be prepared for them to not turn out as expected, no matter if it's baking filled cupcakes or going on a date with a one-eyed bartender named Lucky...who knows, he could be the love of your life.