Pinterest Obsessions: Starvation Station

The last time I featured my Pinterest obsessions, y'all were all "ohmigod Melissa, you should totally do this on the reg. And also you're so pretty and funny and should probably have a reality show."

Okay, so some of that may or may not have been verbalized, but that doesn't make it any less true!!

While I could feature some of my newest boards dedicated entirely to shoes or man-eating braids, right now, I'm kinda obsessed with getting back on the Paleo bandwagon (a week in Ireland and a move shortly thereafter have gotten me so off track that I'm fairly certain my arteries are pumping pure corn syrup somewhat off track. That said, I've found many a Paleo recipe that I plan on incorporating into our October meal plans.

Roasted Eggplant topped with a tomato, mint, and feta topping

I know, right??? I mean, I don't even like eggplant, but this tomato topping would probably make, I dunno, a pair of dirty boxers taste delicious. Alright, so maybe that's a bit much--I even grossed myself out, but you knaw I'm sayin'?

Cauliflower Crust Pizza

I've been dying...DYING to try this whole cauliflower pizza crust whats-it. I know it won't be like eating actual pizza crust, but if I top it with gooey mozzarella and tons of fresh basil and close my eyes real tight, maybe, just maybe it will prevent my from freebasing another a large Domino's 'za...alone...as I cry myself to sleep...but not before I practice model poses in the mirror for an hour.

Primal Pumpkin Pie

I mean, it's pie. And not just a pie. A pumpkin pie. Made paleo. Paleo pumpkin pie for autumn. 'Nuff said.

Cauliflower and Bacon Soup

Since we're on the topic of autumnal foods, SOUP! And since I've already gone over the many virtues of cauliflower it should really come as now surprise that it makes an excellent addition/thickener to soups. Add in a healthy dose of bacon (and no, that's not an oxymoron) and you have a literal recipe for warming you heart and soul.

Paleo Chicken "Lo Mein"

When I'm not freebasing large pepperoni pizzas, I'm pushing the dangers of Chinese food on young, unsuspecting children. This version made with cabbage instead of noodles looks like a suitable (and let's face it, more legal) replacement for my Chinese food addiction.

Coconut Pumpkin Waffles

I may not own a waffle maker now, but if you see a crazy redhead running like a bat out of hell from Bed, Bath, and Beyond this weekend, you'll know why.

Pinterest Obsessions: A Psychoanalytical Tale

Because it's Friday, and because I frankly have nothing better to post (I've got good things coming next week...f'reals ballz), I thought it might be interesting to examine what the various items I feel compelled to "pin" on Pinterest would seem to suggest about me. It'll be fun, like Psych 101...except remedial. And judgmental. And not based on any scientific theory whatsoever. Unless...superficiality is a theory.

Leave me with your psychoanalysis in the comments.

1.) Braids 

Because Subject shows an appreciation of braids, classically associated with a young girl's hairstyle of choice, clearly Subject longs for her youth. It is my my professional opinion she is sick of paying rent, making her own meals, and not hearing a bedtime story. Recommendation: Take up drinking to cope with adulthood. Also, learn how to do a waterfall braid.

2.) Closets

  

Freud might suggest an interest in closets might have something to do with latent homosexual tendencies, however, given Subject's incredibly liberal stance on gay rights and lack of interest in sports, the more likely conclusion is that Subject simply has unrealistic expectations. I mean, a closet with benches? Give me a fuckin' break. I can say fuck, right? Anyway, while the goal of having an in-home Barney's dressing room may be unrealistic, the aspirations indicate that subject has lofty goals and will likely achieve many of them. Recommendation: Befriend a contractor.

3.) Bracelets

Alright, now you're messing with me, right??? Subject really wants to wear glammed up friendship bracelets and meretricious stoned bracelets? No?? This is an actual thing? Hm, okay. In any case, Subject clearly doesn't shy away from garnering attention, indicating a clear passion for the slightly absurd. Recommendation: Avoid metal detectors.

4.) Desserts

  

From this "Pinterest" in all things sweet, my spidey senses tell me that Subject clearly has diabetes. Wait--I'm getting an update. Ah. No, in fact, Subject is free of any diet-related health problems. I suppose then that the interest in desserts suggests Subject both likes sweets and very much enjoys bringing smiles to people's faces with sugary treats. Recommendation: Get a gym membership.

5.) Fitness

 

Well, now this is interesting. Subject seems more complex than initially presumed. By collecting images of fit women, Subject is inspired to keep up her own fitness regime, making recommendation #4 erroneous. Recommendation: You go gurrrrl!

6.) Socks with Sandals

 

Sigh. I spoke to soon. Nevertheless, Subject's fascination with knee-high socks paired with dressy sandals suggests a sense of playfulness both in fashion and, surely, life. Recommendation: Avoid Catholic schools.

7.) Anything Fall/Winter related

 

Subject clearly lives in a swamp if she wants to see summer come to an end. Regardless, for many people, fall brings a sense of coziness and comfort with it, so it's understandable Subject longs for a chill in the air to justify sipping a hot apple cider. Recommendation: Enjoy it while it lasts.

You can follow said Subject on Pinterest here.