Monday, January 23, 2012

What's in My Purse--Real People Edition

What you see before you is not a staged photo. These are the literal contents of my purse, as of last night. For the past several weeks, I had "clean out purse" on my to do list, making about as much progress on that one as "get car inspected" and "lose 10 pounds." So last night, as I was embarking on this challenge, I thought it would be fun to do that thing where people take the crap that they carry around in their so-called purse, take a picture of it, and then share it with unsuspecting readers. Although, unlike so many of those "What's in My Purse" blog posts where everything is nice and neat and nary a gum wrapper is in sight, I present to you what I'd like to think MOST ladies' purses look like:
These are the contents of a person with allergies, asthma, and combination skin (please see the half-used blue face blotter). It's imperative I carry around Kleenex with me at all times because I will, without a doubt, have a severe allergy attack if I don't. And also asthma. Do I throw away these used items? No. Is it gross? Yes. However, much like a boyscout, I pride myself on always being prepared, hence the half dozen band-aids, specifically reserved for the blisters any of my 5-inch heels will probably give me. And the matches, just in case I need to light a fire under someone's ass.
 Yep, there was indeed an unwrapped tampon in my purse. Not because I would have used it in this capacity, but again, in the hopes of being prepared, I once put a wrapped tampon in my purse. When I [obviously] didn't use it, it wiggled itself out of its wrapper and took up residence as that weird, awkward thing I shouldn't have probably shown to anyone. But that doesn't embarrass me half as much as the scrunchie. OMG, I promise it's only for tying my hair back in a low bun at night to sleep. It was the advice my hair colorist gave me...I swear!!!
Okay, so I think most ladies carry around some kind of lotion during the winter months, so this is okay, right?? Nothing fancy--just a rich, thick lotion to prevent my hands from turning into that of an 80-year-old. Those earrings in the corner are the ones I wore for Halloween this past year (yes, that's how long it's been since I've cleaned out my bag...longer, really). That thing stuck to the back of the one? An eyeball eraser. It was part of the decor at the Halloween party I went to, and when I lost the back of the earring, I remembered the ol' high school trick of using an eraser to replace the back of your earring. Works like a charm!

So anyway, that's the crap in my purse. Or should I say, the crap that WAS in my purse. Because now, it's free of trash, eyeball erasers, and unwrapped tampons. But check back with me in a few weeks. Who knows what kind of weird shit I'll have in there by then.

What weird crap is in your purse??


Unknown said...

I always have an unwrapped tampon! How about they make the wrapper a little stronger??

whitney said...

this is awesome.

i however, clean my purse out weekly. i hate having receipts for shit i bought at CVS. obviously i am not returning that redbull i got on my way going to the bar.

but that eyeball eraser made my day. i would love to see you wear it like that. today.

Jenna | The Eighty Twenty said...

Ahahaha, I just love that you called out the girls who line up their 5 lip glosses, pack of gum, lint brush, and weekly planners, and sprinkle glitter over the entire scene when they show inside their purse.

whitney K said...

Digging this post & your honesty. I've had that tampon breaking free situation happen to me as well... Then there's that awkward moment when you really need one and its been swimming in your purse wrapper free for weeks. ew.

audreyrose said...

hahaha you, my dear, are amazing. It's like an i-spy. I was sitting here like..."is that a screwdriver?!" not that I can talk because I think I have one in mine as well.
then I went on like I was at a bridal shower and playing the bag game...only to look in my own bag and think- you need a little work too.
Maybe I'll post one on my blog :)

Sandrea said...

My favorite post! Is that gum stuck to your used face blotter?! I worked at bbb far too long as that receipt and the coupon lines were the first thing that caught my eye. Then of course the ever-embarrassing naked tampon.
I cleaned my purse over the weekend and I literally had a dirty spoon in a side pocket. Beat that.

Meg O. said...

Seriously, this is awesome!

I snort when people post these "what's in my purse" posts and it's all impeccable with their pretty lip glosses and stupid life planners. My purse looks more along the lines of this. And so does theirs!

Megan | Freckled Italian said...

This was wonderful. I clean out my purse often because I'll throw out my back if I don't, but I think mine would be like this, too, if I didn't do it every week or so.

Nicole said...

HAHA lovely! I have a new post on my blog and would love if you came to visit!!! ):


Hannah said...

Hahaha I love this. I legit found an unwrapped tampon in my purse this morning and was like WHYYY. Such a waste of a tampon. How does one prevent that from happening? If you find the answer, let me know.

Champagne Lifestyle on a Beer Budget

A Bitchin' Kitchen said...

Hahaha, I love this. Those "what's in my purse" posts that are oh so perfect drive me insane. Mine looks like yours, but possibly worse. Also, the same thing used to happen to me with tampons, until I switched to Tampax Pearl. Those wrappers are indestructible!

- Maggie

Sunshine - said...

hahahah..great post. I love to look at these when I read the magazines. Sometimes I look at my purse and say, why am I carrying this?

Britt said...

My purse is full of weird things! I have a troll doll with insane green hair. And a lock pick set.
So glad to know I' not the only one with odd things in their purse!

Lydia Armstrong said...

This is amazing. I was actually going to do a "what's in my purse" post at some point, and one of those pretty, staged ones!! I like yours better. I switch purses a lot though, so my shit gets cleaned out a bit more than this. Thanks for showing me your tampon.

Whim Wham Life said...

haha! This is so true:-) Every week, I'm pretty sure I have to unload about 10 wrinkled receipts/gum wrappers/loose pennies/etc out of my purse! xoxo

Anonymous said...

I know!
I know!
For MARY PAT who's a MOBSTER with the FATHA!
I know !
I know!
And so is 777 PINK PANDA STREET with the IRA and
" Asshole".

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