Thursday, June 2, 2011

Things That Just Piss Me Right Off

My office building is old as hell. It's also about 13 stories tall. On Tuesday, the air conditioning went out. In the middle of the DC heat wave. I left work before lunch Tuesday and worked from home until today. I don't do "hot". 

Anyway, my building is effing old, like I said. So every morning, I climb 4 flights of stairs just to get to the lobby because there is no elevator from the garage to the lobby (nevermind the fact that I live a mile from work and drive...). So you can imagine how PISSED RIGHT OFF I am at the lazy SOB's who take the elevator to the second and third floors, when I'm huffing and puffing from my trek up the stairs in my 4 1/2 inch platforms trying to get up to the 9th (a far less stair-friendly height).

Same thing happens in my apartment building. Same number of floors, same number of SOB's. Only there, I live on the 10th floor. I've gotten to the point that I won't even get on an elevator with more than 1 person. Of course, no matter how many people have joined you in the hell-evator, you run the risk of it stopping on a floor to pick someone up and drop them on another floor (this also happens at work--people get on at floor 5 and get off at floor 6), but you just can't predict these things, so you do the best with what you know at the time.

So between the elevator imprisonment, the heat wave, and just people that piss me off in general, I decided I'd dedicate a post to the very things PLAGUING the human race to see if anyone else could commiserate with me.

Keep in mind, this list is far from complete. Amazingly, people manage to evolve constantly and come up with new ways to piss me off almost daily, hourly in some cases. This is merely a representation of piss-off-able things top of my mind today.

{Does this look like the face of someone you wanna piss off??}

1. People that take the elevator a mere one or two floors in a busy building 
See above

2. Bad drivers
Including, but not limited to, people who drive under the speed limit, people who drive cars with blinding fluorescent headlights, people who text/apply make up/brush their teeth/etc. while driving, people who don't let you merge when you LITERALLY have nowhere to go, and every driver in DC, except me.

3. Interrupting
I can't even put into words how much people that speak out of turn anger me. And even if I could, I would wait until you finished speaking to do so. Just imagine something where my head explodes...then multiply that by a million...then stick it in the fiery depths of hell. Then you have some inkling of an idea.

4. People that can't hold a conversation
My friend John once said "If you've been alive for more than 12 years, you should have at least one interesting thing to talk about with other human people."

5. Un-air conditioned places 
D.C. was built on a swamp. Translation: it's hot and humid here in the summer/various times of the year. Further translation: when it's over 80 degrees outside, it's time to pump the a/c. Done. The End. Period.

6. Slow check-out lines
If you don't actually have 15 items or less, get the hell out of the line.

7. Brick sidewalks 
Clearly the person who invented these wasn't trying to get around the world in a pair of 4.5 inch heels.

8. Passive aggressive email/internet communication
If you wanna say something bitchy to me, you should have the balls to say it to my face, lest you want the wrath of a written-word beat down only the likes of someone as dangerous with a pen/keyboard as I could incite. Otherwise, you're a coward, I'll lose respect for you, and post those bitchy emails you send on my blog. Smiley face!

Tell me what you'd add to the list in the comments section. Lord knows the only way to feel better about your problems is to bitch to as many people as possible about them! 


Unknown said...

I've got one... Ppl that don't RSVP- I am going out of my way to feed and entertain you but you can't tell me if ur coming or not- you don't know what you are doing in a month, you are making sure you don't get a better offer(or waiting to see who else is coming on evite) NO decide if you want to come or not and tell me which one you have picked, easy as that!! RUDE

Kerry said...

Lol, I love this list, especially the look on your face in that picture. I'm so with you on the elevator thing. Another annoying thing: people on won't get off their cell phones in stores. Whether they're walking around yelling their conversation like the world cares or their holding up the check-out line because they won't put the phone down for ten seconds. SO ANNOYING. Rant over. This was therapeutic.

Leslie said...

What pisses me off are my own kids. Madison, who is already 18months old, Doesnt even know what college or master's program she wants to attend and just last week when I asked her about how we should re-budget our US Disaster Relief fund in order to aid all the individuals effected by the tornadoes in the south... the only word... acutally is was more like a noise.. she said was "baba." WTF!!


Meg O. said...

I'd like to add to the slow check-out line: people who write checks in the fast lane! WTF?!?!?! And people who write checks in general. A debit card is the same damn thing! Love this post. You are amazing.

Jamie said...

I was having such a crappy mood day and your post made me smile.

Love the list and the added comments. What gets me is people who answer their phones and have a conversation while I'm having coffee or lunch with them... especially when we're out celebrating my birthday. If you're waiting for a call from a specific person to let you know if you've got the job, the mole you just had biopsied is benign, or your dad's surgery went well- that's FINE. But don't just answer a random phone call from a friend and discuss your plans for the evening or the latest gossip. That's what voicemail is for. The same applies to texting-- you can't have 2 simultaneous conversations at once. If you want to talk to other people, we can skip meeting up altogether.

Hmm... now that I think about it.... maybe these people don't like me. Crap.

Jim said...

Chicks that don't fake orgasms

jmontibon said...

Love this post, your friend John and I are cut from the same cloth. Another to add to slow checkouts, the self "you scan" checkouts, that notoriously have some db taking a year to check themselves out.

DressieJessie said...

Whoops, you forgot those LAZ-holes that enter into a revolving door and don't push but rather walk calmly and comfortably as the rest of us pick up their slack.

Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...