Paleo Chicken Caulifredo Bake, as Told by Mean Girls

"You guys, this Chicken Caulifredo Bake is so FETCH!"

"Gretchen, stop trying to make 'fetch' happen. It's not going to happen. And also, stop trying to make caulifredo happen. Noone knows what you're talking about anyway."

"Yeah...and why is it white?

"Oh my god, Karen, you can't just go around asking people why their food is white!"

"Well, Regina, since you're trying to lose three pounds, I decided to try this recipe for a Paleo Chicken Caulifredo Bake."

"Whatever, I'm getting cheese fries."

"Regina, I have an idea--let's go to Taco Bell!"

"I can't go to Taco Bell, I'm on an all-carb diet. GOD KAREN, you're so stupid!!"

"Actually, Regina, when you're trying to lose weight (or just get healthy in general), it's better to focus on adding protein and fibrous veggies to your diet, not carbs."

"How do you know that, Cady?"

"Because my mom used to feed the starving kids in Africa these bars full of carbs. I dunno, it was pretty grool."

[puzzled looks]

"I started to say great and then I said cool instead..."

"She's totally right Regina. That's why I made this Chicken Caulifredo Bake. It's these incredible zucchini noodles, shredded chicken, peas, caulifredo sauce, and a paleo biscuit topping!"

"Interesting...where did you find this recipe?"

"This fetch blog, CupcakesOMG! It's not like a regular blog, it's a cool blog."

"Wow, Gretchen, this is actually pretty good."

"Oh my god...really?? I'm so glad you like it. This might be a good time to ask if I can start wearing white gold hoops again...?'

"Boo, you whore! No."

"Get in loser, we're going [grocery] shopping."

Paleo Chicken Caulifredo Bake

Makes about 12 servings

**Shout out to The Road Less Processed on Instragram for the inspiration!

• 1 lb. chicken thighs
• 4-5 large zucchinis
• 1/2 cup frozen peas
• 1-2 cups caulifredo sauce
• 1/2 cup coconut flour
• 3/4 tsp baking soda
• 1/2 cup melted coconut oil
• 1 Tbsp apple cider vinegar
• 1/2 cup butternut squash puree
• 3 large eggs

1. Preheat oven to 350 degrees F.

2. Season chicken thighs with salt and pepper; saute in coconut oil over medium heat until cooked through.

3. Remove chicken from pan and allow to cool slightly before chopping or shredding with a fork.

4. Using a vegetable peeler, peel "noodles" of zucchini. You should get about 2-3 cups of "noodles."

5. In a large, rectangular pan, combine chicken, zucchini noodles, peas, and caulifredo sauce until everything is well covered in sauce (more or less if you like).

6. To make biscuit topping, combine coconut flour, baking soda, and a pinch of salt in a medium mixing bowl.

7. Add coconut oil, vinegar, and squash to dry mixture with a fork until incorporated. Add eggs one at a time, mixing into dough with a fork. Batter will NOT be loose or "doughy." It will be a bit spongey, kind of...

8. Using a regular spoon, drop dollops of biscuit batter on top off the bake. This made about 12 smallish biscuits for me.

9. Bake for about 15-20 minutes, or until biscuits are browned on top and cooked all the way through. Serve hot.

Caulif-redo Sauce (A.K.A. Paleo Alfredo Sauce)

I pretend to be a lot of things: professional; a blogger; interested in whatever it is that you're saying; but one of the things I do not pretend to be is classy, so it's no surprise that when I eat pasta (which is never because I eat Paleo all the time, I swearrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr omgyeahright), I want it topped with smothered in creamy, cheesy Alfredo sauce. Oh, you made a tomato sauce with fresh basil that you grew in your organic garden? Gimmie that Alfredo sauce!! But with oodles of heavy cream and cheese, classic Alfredo sauce isn't really Paleo friendly. 

Even if you could give two shits about Paleo, I guarantee you think of Alfredo sauce as "fat food," in which case, you should all be relieved to hear that the unclassiest of sauces can now be waistline and tastebud friendly with the help of my all-time favorite Paleo ingredient: Cauliflower. 

I mean, I don't have kids or anything (and if Child Protective Services has anything to do with it, I never will), but like, I woud just BET if you slathered some kind of vegetable that young'uns typically sneer at, like, say, brussel sprouts with this Caulif-redo sauce, they'd gobble it right up.

Or if you'd prefer to eat it more similarly to pasta, you can do what Kyle and I did last night and drizzle it over a bowl of chicken, sauteed mushrooms, and steamed broccoli. Dare I say, any added pasta would only have stood in the way of this deliciousness!!

I know some of you Paleo peeps can be all over the map when it comes to cheese, but look, there's cheese in this recipe, okay? It's not that much (about 3 Tbsp. of parmesan in the entire batch, which is close to 20 oz. BTW, that's a complete guess. I don't know anything about servings, but it makes a lot), but if you don't like it, just leave it out alright??? IMO, you totally need the parm since that's what gives it the Alfredo-y flavor, but do what you gotta do.

 And what you gotta do is make this!

 I mean, come ON!!!!!!

What kind of sauce do you like? Are you gonna try to make this Alfredo sauce with cauliflower?? What else can you use Alfredo with??

Caulif-redo Sauce
Makes several cups

• 1 head of cauliflower, cored and chopped into large chunks
• 2 Tbsp. olive oil
• 1 shallot, minced
• 1 cup chicken broth
• 3 Tbsp. shredded parmesan
• 1/4 cup canned coconut milk
• salt/pepper to taste
• pinch of nutmeg

1. Steam cauliflower until fork-tender. 

2. While cauliflower steams, heat olive oil over medium low heat in a small pot. Add shallot and saute for a few minutes, then add chicken broth and heat through.

3. Add cauliflower, shallot/broth mixture, and remaining ingredients to a blender. Blend until smooth and creamy. Add more coconut milk if needed.

4. Serve over ANYTHING!!!!