I don't think I'm alone when I say OUR diet starts tomorrow, amirite ladies?! I'd also bet I'm not alone when I say that buying for the fellas in your life is generally one of the harder demographics to cross off your holiday gift list. To ease some of the pain of that particular shopping experience, I've curated a list of dude-friendly gift ideas with nary a tchochke in sight! And because Black Friday is just barely a notch higher on the "I want to shoot myself in the face" meter than a visit to the DMV the day your drivers license expires, here are all the links where you can buy these things without changing out of your stretchy pants. G'head, have that third helping of leftovers.
1. FitBit, $99.99 - (Read in the voice of Stefon) This thing does EVERYTHING: tracks your sleeping patterns, counts the calories you burn in a day, JUDGMENTALLY SMACKS THAT BAGEL OUT OF YOUR HAND AND CALLS YOU FAT! You'll have your own Littlest Loser moment--you know, it's like that thing when it's the Biggest Loser, but everyone's a midget, and "Lil" Jillian Michaels pops out from behind a tree one day, yells at you for not moving fast enough, prods you about your back story, makes you cry, and then forces you to do 100 burpees or throw up--whichever comes first!
2. Ray Ban Aviators, $153 - For the guy whose future is so bright, he needs shades (ugh, I really hope you don't know anyone who would ever say that) or just the guy who's really good at not losing stuff, get him a pair of the sunglasses that look good on everyone, even your pre-pubescent nephew!
3. Bacon of the Month Club, $99 - $189 - You know what people hate? "of the Month Clubs." You know what people love? Bacon. Jam the two together and you have a pretty decent gift for the guy who would otherwise be getting a 3-D puzzle of the Starship Enterprise. (No, but really, this one sounds pretty good.)
4. Nick Offerman's "Paddle Your Own Canoe", $16.17 - Most men will tell you there are only 3 things you really need to know how to do: grow a mustache, grill meat, and woo women. This book will tell you how to perfect all of them, and by none other than man-of-men Ron Swanson.
5. At-home IPA Brewing Kit, $44.95 - IPAs are horrible, however, men seem to love them. Why not trick him into staying home and watching more "The Notebook" with you under the guise of brewing his own horrible, horrible beer??
6. Bose noise-cancelling ear buds, $299.95 - For the guy who's always on the go (or just can't stand to hear you sing the new Kelly Clarkson holiday song in the shower one more time), surprise him with the ear bud version of the classic Bose noise-cancelling headphones, just don't get mad at him if he slips them on the next time you get on your "RHOBH is the best of all the housewives series" soapbox.
7. Apple TV, $99.99 - Let's face it: guys like technology. Especially when that technology allows them to access all of their television mediums (Netflix, Hulu, YouTube, even your own Apple devices) on your actual TV.
8. KIEHL'S Ultimate Man Soap, $15 - Boys smell pretty gross, amirite? Get them to WANT to shower with this bar of soap. It's lightly citrus scented but it's the grainy chunks of bran and oatmeal gently/uncomforatbly sloughing off your top dermal layer that will keep them coming back.
9. Kettlebells, $74.99 (for 35 pounds) - In case you haven't already made you point, crystalize your "I think you should lose weight" message by gifting your favorite man a kettlebell, just make sure you get a least 1 pood. Hehe. That just means 35 pounds.