How to Win A Halloween Costume Contest

Step 1: Pick a costume that hasn't been done a bajillion times before but that's still socially relevant. 

I'm talking to you sexy nurse, sexy kitty cat, sexy police officer, and sexy generic slutty girl. Oh, and also Snooki...she likes pickles, we get it already!!! I chose Taralyn Eschberger from Toddlers & Tiaras fame. Oh, you've never heard of Taralyn specifically?? MY POINT EXACTLY!!!

Step 2: Become your costume.

Sure, I could have just slapped on some ruffle socks, fake eyelashes, a crown and called it a day, but that wouldn't make me a winner. That would make me a loser. And glitz pageant girls are WINNERS!!! I perfected my T-stance, my prissy walk, and most importantly, my "blow a kiss with one finger" face.

Step 3: Never break character.

When the bar announced that there was a costume contest, I expected to win, 'cus that's what winners do. That's what my mommy says! I never in a million years expected to NOT make the top 3! So when my name wasn't called for top 3, I did what any self-respecting toddler would do: I threw an epic hissy fit. It was both sincere and authentic. I stomped my feet, cried, and yelled for my mommy. And then I got added back into the contest.

And then I won. A hundred bucks to be exact.

Yes, in the words of Eden Wood, "I ROCKED THAT STAGE!!!!"

What did everyone else dress up as??? Did anyone else win a costume contest??