Cupcakes for Geriatrics

People often ask me, "Melissa, you love cupcakes so much, but what are you going to do when you're old and have no teeth, style, or control of your bowels?" To which, I respond with a jovial laugh, a glance in the mirror, and a "thank you" to the Botox gods, because all THISSSSSS will never grow old.

Nonetheless, there are many, many of you out there who simply won't be as fortunate. And that is why I present to you the Cupcake Milkshake:

via Framed

Just because you've lost the ability to chew solid foods doesn't mean you should be denied the sweet, sweet goodness of childhood treats.

It's pretty simple: grab your favorite cupcake and ice cream, blend with a bit of milk and top with some sprinkles. Voila! It's almost as good as being young again...not that you can remember it.

Palette Cleanser Cupcakes

Have you ever been to a really nice restaurant...or maybe a high school band banquet...where, in between the salad course and the chicken, beef, or vegetarian option entree the waiter delivers a small dish of lemon, lime, and/or orange sorbet? And you're all "hmm, I usually wait until after my meal to have dessert, but hey, life is short," but really it's served as, ya know, a palette cleanser...?

via Sugar Cooking

Look, the point is, I look at a lot of cupcakes. Like, a lot. Between this blog, my "Daily Cupcake" email listserv, and the two sets of Google Alerts I get on a daily basis about cupcakes, I probably see more cupcakes in a week than most people will in their lifetime, which is simply sad. Not for me, I mean...for others. 

So like I was saying, I see a lot of cupcakes, and every now and again, it can be overwhelming, with all the buttercreams, dragees, fillings, herbs, savory blends...BUTTER!!! It can all get to be a bit much. So tonight, I really needed this simple vanilla cupcake. It's bright, light, has the tidiest placement of sprinkles, and clean. It makes me want to be a better person. That is, assuming I cared about being a better person. Now, where is that peasant who I've enslaved to rub my feet??!!? And don't forget to bring me my baby seal coat!!!!

I Would Eat This Cupcake

...And now for a new section I'd like to call, "I Would Eat This Cupcake".

via Flickr user wynk

Chocolate mini cupcake topped with a layer of Nutella and crushed
hazelnuts, a swirl of Nutella buttercream and a few chocolate sprinkles.

And since they're "mini", I would eat eat "many" of these!

Lady Gaga Cupcakes

This is what this website (and life, really) is all about: cupcakes and Lady Gaga. This genius Kimberly Loc decided to take it to ANOTHER LEVEL...You can see a lot more here.

Inspiration:

Inspiration:

Inspiration:

Deep-Fried Cupcakes...'Cus Why Not?!

It is universally agreed upon that most food tastes better when served on a stick.

It is also generally agreed upon that most food tastes better when deep-fried. Damn, frying food keeps this gal in business!!

Thus, there's like, some law of something or whatever, that says that deep-fried food ON a stick is like, the holy grail of all food. Throw a cupcake into the mix and, well, let's just say we're lucky the world didn't get sucked into a vortex of suffocating deliciousness!!!

Photo via CakeSpy

The genius behind this creation is Jessie Oleson, the same woman reponsible for the cupcake-themed Christmas cards I sent out this year (you're welcome!). Where's her Nobel Prize, Nobel Prize committee?!? Can't you see that this woman has managed to find the cure to WHATEVER ails you (excepthighcholesteroldiabetesobesityingeneralandthatinsatiablevoidthatwillneverbefilledbyfood)?!!

Anyway, when you're done licking the screen, you can find the recipe for self-induced organ failure here.

Five-Minute Cupcakes > Thong Diaper

I was listening to the radio this morning, as I'm wont to do, and the DJs were trying to come up with new inventions for famed British-accented informercial host Anthony "Sully" Sullivan to pitch.

On their list were such gems like the Welcome mat scale (to weigh your would-be online dates before they ever step into your home), the denim leg pillow for dogs (a pillow, made of denim, in the shape of human legs), and a thong diaper for babies...ya know, so they can lose the saggy butt look. The latter idea was then disqualified when a caller reminded them that SNL did that already.

What they were missing was this:

Photo via What on Earth Catalogue

Unlike the poorly designed "Thong Diaper", this mini cupcake maker will make 7 mini cupcakes at a time in five minutes flat. Plus it's easy to clean (how, I'm not sure, but that's what the write-up says, okay?!! And you know those don't lie!!).

I can practically hear his pitch now: "...and if you order now, we'll throw in this professional-grade squedgie absolutely FREE! It's our gift to you!")

Oh, and, if you've never seen the SNL Thong Diaper, then...you're welcome: