Red Velvet--a cupcakery review

I've never formally reviewed a cupcake shop, but hey, there's a first time for everything right? I mean, if Heidi Montag can release an EP, I can definitely review a cupcake shop!


Now, if you live in the DC area, you'll know good and well that we're not short on cupcake options. Hello Cupcake, Georgetown Cupcake, Baked and Wired, Cake Love, and most recently, Red Velvet in Chinatown.


My friend Shannon was in town last week, and being an out-of-towner, I was really fulfilling my duty as host to escort her to our newest cupcake offering. (Shannon lives in Ohio, where there isn't yet a cupcake shop for every Starbucks. Yet.)


Now, by no means am I out to dog any cupcakes, okay? I want to make that clear, because a lot of people in DC consider themselves to be "foodies." And while I'm sure I am one, I don't want to seem arrogant about my opinions, even if they are always right. Look, what I'm saying is you're entitled to your wrong opinion.


Anyway, the point is I am so not judgmental...not in the way of food and cupcakes, at least. But these cupcakes were gross. Okay, well maybe not gross, but they were definitely not good.


We ordered two to split: Red velvet, obvi and key lime with a white chocolate icing. My first reaction was that not only was the place small, a little unkempt and hot (DIVA up in hurr), but the prices were the highest I've seen in DC, $3.25 a pop! Believe me, they weren't large enough to justify the cost. That's what she said.

Anyway, we took them back to my apartment to share. They were cute and had a decent-sized glob of frosting just the way I like it. After the first bite though we knew, oh we knew. They were bland. Bland bland bland bland bland. There was no chocolatey goodness to the red velvet cupcake and the cream cheese icing tasted like cream cheese. I could have been eating a bagel for all I knew! The texture was fine, but who cares about texture when you can't taste anything!! There was no hint of citrus in the key lime cupcake, and again the frosting wasn't sweet at all. And I'm not just saying that because I maintain my girlish figure by eating sugar by the cupfulls, okay?! Shannon has very sensitive, um, senses, and she also thought they were really lacking in flavor.

Will I go back to Red Velvet? Probably not. I don't live in Chinatown and takes me about 15 minutes to walk there. Walking is for peasants. Plus, I've got Hello Cupcake right around the corner (review to come) and frankly, that fits the bill quite well, thank you.

So, if you like your cupcake bland and overpriced, then these were GREAT! But if you're looking for more bang for your buck you might as well go to the old standbys. Or you could buy a Betty Crocker mix and do it yourself.

So, has anyone out there tried the place? Do you know what I'm talking about? Do you HATE me but LOVE Red Velvet?? Did you make it this far to the end???