Thursday, December 22, 2011

Kolaches and Me

For the past two years, I've had a craving. Not for cowbell, but for kolaches (pronounced: kuh-lotch-eeees). This is reason #589 I know something is wrong with me. I mean, multi-year cravings?? Who does that, besides omni-pregnant Michelle Duggar??

"Why not just eat a kolache then, Melissa?" you might be wondering, to which I would say you "What are you, some kind of idiot??" (I can be a real bitch sometimes, you guys), because kolaches are as hard to come by outside of Texas as say, real noses or intelligence in a Miss USA pageant. 

Because of their scarcity, my guess is there is an unfortunate number of you have never seen/eaten/heard of these delectable little breakfast treats before. Therefore, I feel it's my civic duty to enlighten you (and also purely self-indulgent to satiate my craving) about that which will likely leave your life, and thus any meaning in it, empty.
Kolache shops are about as prevalent as donut shops here in my home state. As a matter of fact, you can even find kolaches sold IN donut shops! You can buy them individually or by the dozen. I did the latter because, hey, when in Rome...
Kolaches can be either savory or sweet, in flavors like sausage and cheese, bacon and cheese, "Italian" (which is just pepperoni), and a variety of fruit toppings.
{Cream Cheese kolache topped with brown sugar}

All kolaches start with a delicious, slightly sweet, yeasty dough, very much like Hawaiian bread. 
They don't really look like much to the naked eye, but this is one of the few times in life I would sway from my motto of "it's what's on the outside that matters," to implore you that true beauty can really only be found on the inside of these pillows of delight:
For it's on the inside that you will find gobs of bacony, cheesey goodness swirling around the light, fluffy exterior.
 Or link sausage and cheddar cheese.
And for the less adventurous eaters of you, one of my favorite kolache shops (and the one my mom used to visit when I was only a wee child), Morning Kolaches, also makes fluffy, gooey cinnamon rolls:
But this isn't amateur hour, so I left the cinnamon rolls to my Dad and went on ahead and ate three kolaches this morning. I've never felt more lethargic in my life.

Oh, and, for the record, I'm not staying Paleo through the holidays. This isn't North Korea* you guys...I can do what I want!!!

*On a serious note, how awesome is it to NOT live in North Korea??


Jenna | The Eighty Twenty said...

so before I go into how amazing these look, James had his Xmas party last night and got, I'll put it nicely, blackout shitfaced. So, I went and picked him up. He was so drunk he wanted to go to Wendy's. But I said no. And for the remainder of the ride he kept yelling "THIS IS NORTH KOREA". It was fun.

Those look amazing.

The end.

whitney said...

holy shit get in my stomach.

if you give me cravings for these and i've never had one then i am going to think i am pregnant.

and you and i both don't want that.

so bring me one back.

Kristina said...


I want one!!

beti said...

Honestly, that looks really good! It's like something I could eat over and over again

ashlyn | nicole said...

i have never had one& i most def have never heard of them BUT you have now introduced me to something new!

have a lovely Christmas!

Annie said...

OH MY! These look SO good :)

The Other Side of Gray

Anna said...

You're right, I've never heard of these. But I'm deeply saddened by this. They look DEELISH. Right up my alley.

Kasey Lynne said...

Oh my gosh...I want all of that NOW.

I bet some good cash that I won't be able to find those here in Cali.

Meg O. said...

God, I love Mornings Kolaches. It's too convenient to my place of employment.... yum.

Bravoe Runway said...

YES...I agree we should be thankful that we don't reside in N. Korea. I have friends who are Korean and they shudder at the thought of what the living conditions are like. It's sad how they've been brainwashed starting at a young age that they live in the happiest country in the world and have ZERO outside contact.

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