"_________ Are So the New Cupcake"

Have you heard someone say something like this recently, or, ever?! The conversation generally goes something like this:

"Oh Bitsy, did you hear? Whoopie pies are the new cupcake? We should go stand in line for an hour for one. We can split it in half and then split that over an ice cube and self-loathing."

"Oh really, Muffy? Because I heard macarons were the new cupcake...Kitty, what do you think?"

"Well I you're both wrong! Libraries are the new cupcake. And those shoes are HIDeous."

These are typically how my conversations go (I'm generally the Kitty character, natch), but may God embarrassingly strike me down in my 5-inch purple suede pumps if ever I start talking about what the "new cupcake" will be. Do you know why??? Because there is no such thing as the "new cupcake'!!!

FACT: Cupcakes have been around for hundreds of years. 

'NOTHER FACT: Cupcakes are delicious. 

I don't know if you've picked up on it, but I get real annoyed real quick when I hear people say things like "cupcakes are just a fad," or "Lady Gaga is a man!" (that's neither here nor there, though). You know what's a fad? Jeggings. You know what else? Snookie. These are things whose days are numbered, and for good reason.

Yes, there's been an boom of cupcake shops over the past year or so, and yes, chances are very good that the bubble will burst, but that's not to suggest that people will suddenly consider delectable treats like cupcakes as passe. 

Do you consider birthday cake "so five years ago?" What about Rice Krispie treats? Do you scoff at the mere reference of them? And tell me, have you ever denied yourself a cookie because you were afraid of being behind the times?

The answer to these rhetorical questions is clearly no! So then why, dear readers, would cupcakes fall into some out-of-fashion-pastry black hole!? 

Do you see how preposterous this image is?!? Yeah, it's effing stupid. I can say that 'cus I made it...in MS Paint, just to prove my point! It's as stupid as the theory that cupcakes are a fad.

I hope this closes the case around what the next cupcake will be, and in case it doesn't, the next cupcakes will be...MORE cupcakes!!!

However, I would totes be down with seeing some whoopie pie or macaron shops open up here in DC. Those things are delish! That's the point after all: bringing more deliciousness to the world. I hope you can handle it.