My Most Controversial Cupcakes EVER!

Look at these sweet, precious little cupcakes:

Vanilla cupcake dotted with rainbow sprinkles, topped with blue
and pink tinted vanilla buttercreams and pastel sprinkles

Did they make you smile...just a little? 

Did they bring a tear to your eye? 

Did they make you wanna claw someone's eyes out?? If you answered yes to the last one, you might have been offended by my previous post. 

Why, praytell, would cupcakes turn a seemingly normal, content human being into a vessel of rage and terror?? Because apparently some of the DC cupcake community (by NO MEANS all...) has a reallllllll problem with honesty and constructive feedback. 

Here's the deal blogosphere: I'ma say what I want, when I want, how I want. This is MY blog, lest anyone forget. If you don't like it, you can, in the words of Lady Gaga, go home. If you can't see the humor in this, find this in poor taste, and think that everything really is wrong with this guy, well, then, I guess we'll never be friends. (Friends are the ones you go out drinking with, right?)

So to be very clear, I do NOT apologize to anyone for what I've previously said, I AM considering starting my own cupcake event called "I Eat My Feeling Anonymous", and  I WILL share my controversial S'mores and Funfetti cupcake recipes with you, should you feel rebellious yourself! You're welcome. 

RISE UP, CupcakesOMG! Fans and UNITE for FREEEEEEEEEEDOMMMMMMMM!!!!! Because if you stand for nothing, you'll fall for anything. (Leave a comment showing your support--I'll choose a winner at random October 5th to receive the first "IEMFA" tee shirt!!)

Graham cracker crusted chocolate marshmallow cupcake topped
with marshmallow frosting and a square of graham cracker

Funfetti Cupcakes

Adapted from CakeSpy

Makes approximately 12 large cupcakes

For the cupcakes

• 2 cups AP flour
• 1-3/4 tsp baking powder
• 1/2 tsp salt
• 1 cup sugar
• 12 tbsp butter, room temperature
• 1 large egg + 1 egg white, room temperature
• 1 1/2tsp vanilla extract
• 3/4 cup milk
• 3 tbsp rainbow sprinkles

For vanilla buttercream

• 3 sticks butter
• 7-8 cups powdered sugar, sifted
• 1/4 cup milk
• 1 teaspoon vanilla
• Pink and blue food coloring

1. Preheat oven to 400F.
2. Line cupcake pan with paper liners.
3. In a large bowl, sift flour, baking powder and salt. Set aside. In a stand mixer, fitted with flat beater, beat the sugar and butter until well combined, about 2-3 minutes. Add egg and egg white, one at a time, beating on low.
4. Then add vanilla. Gradually add flour mixture in 3 additions, alternating with milk in 2 additions, ending with the flour mixture. Fold in rainbow sprinkles.
5. Fill cupcake liners about 3/4 full. After you put your cupcakes in the oven, immediately turn the temp to 350F. Bake for about 17-20 minutes or until a toothpick inserted in the middle comes out clean. Remove from pan and cool completely on a wire cooling rack before frosting.

To make buttercream

In a stand mixer, fitted with flat beater, beat butter until creamy, about 2-3 minutes. Add 5 cups of sifted powdered sugar, milk, and vanilla, beat until combined. Add more powdered sugar until you get to the consistency you want (it's should be creamy, but firm)

Divide buttercreams in half, tinting one half pink and the other blue. Using a piping bag, layer the colors on top of each other. As you pipe, they will swirl creating a beautiful effect. Top with sprinkles to taste.

S'mores Cupcakes

Adapted from Homemade by Holman

Makes approximately 12 large cupcakes

Crust:

• 1 1/2 cups graham crackers (approx. 1 pkg out of the Honeymaid box)
• 1/4 cup sugar
• 5 T unsalted butter, melted
• 2 oz bittersweet chocolate, chopped into small pieces
• Marshmallows (you'll need about 100 mini marshmallows)

Preheat the oven to 350 degrees. Line 24 muffin cups with paper liners. In food processor, pulse graham crackers until they are fine crumbs. Add sugar and melted butter and mix until well combined. Add approximately 1 tablespoon of crumbs to the bottom of each liner. Use a small circle object (I used the back of a small spoon) to press the crumb mixture evenly into the bottom of each liner. Bake for 5 minutes and remove from the oven. Divide the chopped chocolate evenly among the cupcakes. Add approximately 4 marshmallows to each tin.

I did not have good luck with the Homemade by Holman chocolate cake, so I would recommend the one I've had previous success with, available here.

Frosting*:

• 8 egg whites, room temperature
• 2 cups sugar
• 1/2 tsp cream of tartar
• 2 tsp vanilla extract
• 4 squares of graham cracker

In a clean stainless steel mixing bowl or double boiler, combine egg whites, sugar, and cream of tartar. Whisk frequently, heating the mixture over medium-high heat until the temperature reaches 160 degrees (or until the sugar is completely dissolved--should feel smooth when rubbed between the fingers). Transfer egg mixture to stand mixer fitted with the whisk attachment. Begin mixing at low speed, gradually increasing to medium-high speed as the mixture becomes thicker. Beat until stiff, glossy peaks form. Add in the vanilla and mix until just combined. Transfer frosting to a piping bag fitted with a large star tip and frost as desired. Garnish with a square of graham cracker.

*I did not have a kitchen blow torch, nor an effective broiler to toast the marshmallow icing as I would have liked, but feel free to do so if you have one!

CupcakeCamp DC

I went to CupcakeCamp DC last Saturday. It was, in a word, a clusterf*ck. Pardon my French, but it's totally true.

This place was packed tighter than a Japanese subway train.

It was held at a place in DC called Funxion, touted as the first FIT restaurant and bar in America. Really? A low-cal health bar selected as the venue for CupcakeCamp DC (a.k.a. I Eat My Feelings Anonymous)?? Wouldn't have been my first choice, but I guess it was, like, the only thing available last minute. The place was pretty small, which on a normal day would be fine, being as it serves the "I know I look good when I'm so hungry I'm dry heaving" crowd, hence the close quarters.

This was CupcakeCamp DC's first year, so there's bound to be some gliches, but when cupcakes fans start bum rushing your volunteers, you got a problem, okay?? Frankly, I couldn't wait to be out of there. I don't think I was alone either, as the organizer herself owned up to some of the problems on the CupcakeCamp blog. 

I could have overlooked most of that if the cupcakes had been worth shoving my fellow cupcake fans for, but sadly most that I sampled (i.e., took one bite of and never touched again) were terrible. 

Just some of the wounded soldiers I left behind

Do I feel bad about wasting so much food when there are so many starving people in the world? No, are you kidding me? Those people's lives are bad enough...the last thing they need is a feebly iced cupcake from a mix, or a leathery mini vegan cupcake. I did humanity a favor and I'll hear nothing else on the matter!

There were certainly some stand-outs, including the ultimate winner of the cupcake contest Rene of Rene Takes the Cake:

This was when I accosted Rene and forced her to take a picture
as I shoved the cupcake she made in her face. She was a real sport. 

Despite the chaos and overwhelmingly terrible cupcakes (there were well over 50 different types of cupcakes), I held out hope for the judging segment, 'cus you know, I'm a boss at cupcake making. I made two varieties: Cupcake Camp-fire S'mores and Homemade Funfetti.

A graham cracker crusted chocolate cupcake with mini marshmallows baked in,
topped with marshmallow frosting and a square of graham cracker

Vanilla cake dotted with rainbow sprinkles,topped with
vanilla buttercreams tinted blue and pink and rainbow sprinkles

Shockingly, neither of my cupcakes proved victorious. In related news, CupcakeCamp's organizer's mom took home the second place prize and her boyfriend's mom tied for first. I don't want to say that there was any cheating going on, but I'm pretty sure there was some cheating going on. Well, that, and I think the judges palettes were off. Plus, they only sampled about 1/12 of each cupcake (they basically licked the frosting), so I can't see how they were able to make a truly educated decision.

There were five judges and between them they didn't even sample half of a cupcake

I did my own sampling as well:

This strawberry vanilla cupcake was definitely the best mini I had

This hot mess was a hybrid between a German chocolate cupcake
and a cinnamon roll; it was a complete disaster

This blueberry apricot cupcake topped with cream cheese frosting and thyme was more of a muffin than a cupcake, but took home the Crowd Favorite award. It was delicious, I'll admit

Another mini, this time chocolate with a cream cheese swirl, dark chocolate
ganache sprinkled with edible glitter and a fondant flower. It was beautiful but
suffered the same fate as most of the minis I had that day: overcooked and tough

The overall judges winner, Rene's Chocolate Covered Strawberry: Chocolate cupcake filled with chocolate ganache, topped with strawberry swiss meringue buttercream, a chocolate covered strawberry drizzled with pink candy and adorned with a gumpaste flower. Yes, it was amazeballs 2024 and yes, it deserved to beat even my amazing cupcakes.

So I have a few final suggestions for next year's CupcakeCamp:

1.) Larger venue, clearly

2.) Stations for cupcake bakers to display their bounty individually and have tasters come to them.

3.) Judges that like to experiment with unique ingredients/flavors (I read two separate blog posts from the judges--one is a vegan and admitted picky eater and the other didn't like the goat cheese frosting attempted by one baker)

4.) Different categories for judging (Tastiest Cupcake, Best Presentation, Most Outrageous Ingredient, etc.)

5.) More stuff to do--there was a lot of waiting around for those of us unimpressed with the sampling of cupcakes and awaiting the judging. How about bringing in some cupcake shop owners in next year to do little workshops for cupcake decorating or vendors selling cupcake related goods or a face painter!!! Everyone loves a good face painter.

Anyway, I'll go back next year, but it better be as a judge. These people need some help, desperately.

I'll be posting my cupcake recipes later, cus Kyle's pretty annoyed I've done nothing but ignore him for the past hour.

In the meantime, these pictures ought to tide you over:

A New Take on S'mores Cupcakes

I know what you're thinking:

Photo via bitesizebaker

"Where's the gooey, sugary, buttery frosting?!!"

I realize it's somewhat blashpemous to present you a naked cupcake, but hear me out. This is a s'mores cupcake, obvi. That's a graham cracker cupcake y'all...did you hear that droplet of drool hit my desk?? It's been sliced in half and assembled like your traditional campfire s'more, with a toasted marshmallow and a Hershey square smooshed in between.

Dear god, help me right now.

This is the kind of cupcake that's perfect for y'all that don't like frosting, or life in general. I mean, c'mon!! How could you be mad at anything digging into a cupcake like this?!?

If you really need frosting to feel complete, I'll help you cure what ails ya!

Meanwhile, I'm going to stop licking my screen and make these prontoooooooo!!!

Get the full recipe here and find out what true happiness feels like.

Cupcake Practice--S'mores Cupcakes

This weekend, Kyle went camping with some friends. I was invited to go but a.) I haven't had a weekend at home in a month what with travelling, visitors, and plans and b.) I don't go camping.

So with Kyle out of town, I had more free time on my hands this weekend this usual, hence, the two batches of cupcakes I made.

I made a s'mores cupcake with a graham cracker cucpake with a graham cracker crust, topped with marshmallow frosting, drizzled with semisweet chocolate. It was supposed to be dunked in the chocolate, but I'll explain that later.

As I started to get my ingredients together (mind you it was around 9:30 pm), I realized the can of baking soda I bought earlier in the week from Trader Joes was actually baking powder. They are not the same thing and there was not way for me to substitute. So, I hauled myself back to the grocery store, in the rain people!! to get my can of baking powder. Thanks to my basement level apartment, I generally have no sense for the weather system brewing outside, which is why I headed out without an umbrella. With no time to spare, I braved the rain umbrella-less. Needless to say I looked a hot tranny mess when I got back to my apartment.

But I had the baking soda!

So, here were my ingredients for the s'mores cupcakes:

I've got the recipe below, but here's the general progression of things, pictorially:

Yes, those are pink foil cupcake liners, why do you ask?




The ceremonial scraping of the vanilla bean. (I do have plenty of cutting boards, but i was lazy and did this on a paper towel instead. What's it to you, huh?)

I forgot to document the process after this until they came out of the oven. Ooops!

I really need a stand mixer, but in the meantime my handheld mixer really does a good job:

Tear. These may be the prettiest cupcakes I've ever made.

Okay, so here's where things kind of went, a liiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiittle south. This marshmallow icing needs to sit up for a while before you try to dunk it in chocolate, or else this happens (cue the disaster music):

It's supposed to maintain that tall swirly-do shape with a chocolate coating, but alas, the marshmallow succombed to the yummy chocolate and I got this nice marble-effect. Whatevs, it was still de-lish!

Mmmmmmmmmmmmmm...

Because I wanted the rest to look a little more presentable, I ended up drizzling the rest with the chocolate instead of trying to dunk them. Then I dusted some crushed graham cracker on top. Frankly, I think these look pretty damn fantastic:

Try them for yourself. Just make sure you have baking soda beforehand!

Graham Cracker Cupcakes (adapted from Chokylit recipe)

12 regular cupcakes / 350 degree oven

1 cup graham cracker crumbs, from 6 whole graham crackers
1/4 cup (1/2 stick) melted butter
1/2 cup (1 stick) unsalted butter, room temperature
3/4 cup light brown sugar
2 large eggs, room temperature
1-1/3 cups all-purpose flour
1/3 cup graham cracker crumbs, from 2-1/2 whole graham crackers
1 teaspoon baking powder
1/8 teaspoon salt
2/3 cup milk1 teaspoon vanilla

1. Combine 1 cup of graham cracker crumbs and melted butter.
2. Scoop a heaping teaspoon into each cupcake paper, pressing down to cover the bottom.
3. Beat butter on high speed until soft, about 30 seconds.
4. Add brown sugar. Beat on medium-high until light and fluffy, about 3 minutes.
5. Add eggs one at a time, beat for 30 seconds after each.
6. Whisk together flour, graham cracker crumbs, baking powder, and salt in a bowl.
7. Measure out milk and vanilla together.
8. Add about a fourth of the flour to the butter/sugar mixture and beat to combine.
9. Add about one third the milk/vanilla mixture and beat until combined.
10. Repeat above, alternating flour and milk and ending with the flour mixture.
11. Scoop into cupcake papers three-quarters full.12. Bake for 20-22 minutes until a toothpick comes out clean.

Swiss Meringue Marshmallow Frosting

1 1/4 cups granulated sugar
4 egg whites
1-2 teaspoons vanilla extract

Combine egg whites and sugar in the top of a double boiler (or a glass bowl over but not touching a pan of simmering water). Whisk constantly over medium-high heat until sugar is entirely desolved (should feel smoth between your fingers), about 5 minutes. Remove from double boiler and continue to beat on high for 6 minutes or until room temperature and soft peaks form. Add vanilla extract 1 teaspoon at a time until desired flavor.

Drizzle with melted semi-sweet chocolate and garnish with crushed graham cracker.