Oh My Gourd (and Cheese Balls)

Pop Quiz: What is the classiest part of Halloween?

If you answered getting drunk while carving pumpkins, you would be correct! “Pumpkin shaped Cheese Ball” would also have been accepted.

This weekend, a few of my closest girlfriends and I got together to celebrate the first holiday of the season the only way we know how: by getting loaded and wielding knives. And as we do with any gathering, we turned it into an excuse to eat ALL OF THE THINGS! Leslie made a delicious chili, Laura made spinach puff pastry cups, Ashlee made butterscotch chocolate chip cookies, and Anna made Doritos. With money she handed to the cashier who sold them to her.

Meanwhile, I channeled my inner Amy Sedaris and was all “I’ma make a cheese ball, y’all!” So I did. And because I’m worse than Heidi Klum about Halloween themes, I made it look like a pumpkin, too.

As we stuffed our gullet with cookies and cheese ball, we started the humiliating task of pumpkin carving. I intentionally brought small pumpkins with the plan of painting them to avoid the inevitable embarrassment of failing at pumpkin carving, but unfortunately left all my painting supplies at home. So, Leslie, taking pity on my, gave me her spare pumpkin and I set out on the near impossible feat of carving the Lady Gaga stencil that Ashlee brought me into the gourd. Things seemed to be going pretty well—TOO well, in fact—when I accidentally carved a little too much around the eye, making Gaga’s whole nose collapse into her head, kinda like Michael Jackson, who, incidentally, Ashlee carved into her pumpkin.

{Before it all went to shit}

So I did what I usually do when I fail at something and threw a small fit, took a big sip of my Pink Moscato Estee Lauder Tresor, and improvised. I carved an “H”, y’all.

{My 'H' and Anna's freehand Jack O' Lantern}

{You can see the outline still of my attempted Gaga face}

{All of our pumpkins lined up...in front of a car. Like I said you guys...classy.}

Look, whatever. I wish I cared that I suck at pumpkin carving, but the fact that all my friends are really good at it is actually enough for me. I mean, you can’t be too mad when you’ve got a cheese ball in your midst!

Parmesan Cheese Ball

Serves many cheese lovers

• 1 8 oz. block of cream cheese, room temperature
• 2 cups shredded mozzarella cheese
• 1/2 cup grated parmesan
• 1 tsp oregano
• 1/2 tsp onion powder
• freshly ground black pepper, to taste
• Doritos, crushed
• stem from an orange bell pepper

Mix the cheeses, oregano, onion powder, and pepper until well incorporated. Shape into a ball and wrap in plastic wrap and chill for a couple hours (I did this overnight). Before serving, roll in crushed Doritos and place the stem from a bell pepper on top. Serve with crackers, chips, and bell pepper slices.