Office Space

You know how some people can be totally different at work than they are in their real life? Like, when you see them at work, they’re totally together, sharp even, and have like, responsibilities and stuff? And then when you see them out at like, a bar, they’re drunk off Appletinis, getting in a fight with the bouncer for letting people cut the line and then embarrassingly singing along to every word of “Gangam Style” whilst doing the dance step-for-step demonstrating just how hot a tranny mess they actually are IRL?? This division of personalities is one I’ve never really mastered, so when I dazzle someone with my stunning good looks, quick wit, loud voice (it’s called “projecting”), and winning personality in my “real” life, I do the same thing at work, where most people just label it “intense.”

So naturally, you’d have to assume that I’ve created a working environment conducive to my inability to, ya know, “tone it down.” I think it’s important to make the place you spend 70% of your LIFE feel like you, and so I thought I’d give you a brief iPhone pic tour of my office. That way you can really get a feel for why no one takes me seriously.

For starters, I must have light! I work in an energy efficient building with tons of natural light, which is great and all, but dammit I need more!! Lamps are great since they, um, provide light, but also because you can shed light on your personality!! My lamp is from Target and the black and white damask print says “I’m classy, but I will get shitty if I have to.” And that’s what I’m really about you guys.

I believe it’s critical to have a variety of fun writing options, both for writing with and on. This sentiment has held true for me since the 6^th grade, when I first saw Clueless and the furry pens Cher toted along to class. I’ve procured countless furry, colorful, and sequined writing utensils through the years—these are only a mere sampling. They make the act of writing notes to remind yourself of all the work you still haven't done more bearable. Plus, when you go to meetings, you’ll bring a smile to people’s faces (even if they are just laughing at you).

Here are a couple notebooks I use. One is pink glitter, the other is some kind of cartoon owl situation. I’m sure they were both designed for elementary school kids, but so what?

When One King’s Lane had a deal on Milo Paper, I ordered this ginormous notepad and had my monogram added on top. This way, if anyone tries to steal from me, I’ll FIND THEM!!! It also has the damask print, which just really brings the whole office together, says me.

Once upon a time, I thought it’d be awesome to have fresh flowers on my desk. In reality, I let the vase I brought sit on my desk with dirty water from the first bunch of flowers I bought for an embarrassingly long time before I finally just got real with myself and said “Melissa, you’re too lazy for this! Get a damn fake flower.” So here we are. This is my “keep it together” nook, where my high heel tape dispenser (a Christmas gift from my grandma last year) lives, alongside a brightly colored post-it pad, which I basically never use. It’s just there to look good.

Here’s a rundown of the crap I have hanging up on the walls:

Yes, I have two Barbie calendars. You may ask "why," but I ask "why not"? 

Here's the very first picture ever taken of Kyle and me. This was before we were dating. It's a REAL picture and the only copy I have; it’s been through a lot, hence the random scratches on my face and a weak attempt to fill in the scratches in my hair with red pen. What. Ever.

Gotta rep my gurl Hillz!!!!

And here's my whiteboard accessory station: you're not surprised I have a pink dry erase marker are you???

When I used to walk to work, my hair was victim to whatever cruel game the weather was playing that day—it usually ended in humidity-induced waves and frizz. But the jokes on YOU, weather, cus I figured it out and equipped my desk with all the necessary hair appliances, including a hair straightener and curler. I’ve since started driving to work, but just because you never know what Mother Nature’s got up her sleeve, I keep this mini one my mom bought me a few years ago at work. It’s perfect for those unruly flyaways at my hairline. Oh, and it's pink. HI HAVE WE MET!!?!?!

And finally, no office I occupy would be complete without a selection of 4-inch heels to choose from in the morning. When it’s cold, I wear my sparkle Uggs into the office and change into heels at the office. I keep a couple of my favorite “goes with anything” heels in the office for days like that.

I’m guessing my office is more colorful than yours, but it’s not a competition. Your drab, sad gray surroundings are totally fine, if that’s what you’re into.

Do you decorate your office? How? Do you also keep a stash of heels and hair appliances in your desk drawers?? What do you do to make going into work more fun?