Things my 21-Year-Old Self Would Be Embarrassed to Know About My 28-Year-Old Self

A few weeks ago at book club, my friend Ashlee (of Craft Day fame) told us that there were only two things on her wish list at the time: a silver and gold Michael Kors chronograph watch and a label maker.* We were excited about the watch, but we were REALLY excited about the prospect of the label maker.

“What are you going to label first??” we wondered. She told us tales of how she wanted to organize her kitchen and make containers for her various flours, sugars, and other dried foods, which would, quite obviously, need to be labeled. Our minds wandered at the prospect of how a perfectly organized kitchen might make us better, smarter, prettier people. The label maker was obviously the gateway to perfection.

And then we realized how far we had truly sunk down the rabbit hole of adulthood. A mere 7 years ago, a label maker might have garnered the same level of excitement, but less because of the idea of home organization and more because you could label your drunken friend’s forehead with the word “penis” when they passed out at a party. 

{Britney is embarrassed for you}

While I don’t think the essence of people changes (like, if you were a dramatic, loud, vain child, you’ll probably be that way as an adult…not that I would have firsthand experience or anything), we certainly do grow. But it’s that growth that can make the younger version of you cringe and wonder “what the hell did you do to us???! We used to be cool, man!!” So with that, here are just a few things I’m pretty sure my 21-year-old self would be embarrassed to know about my 28-year-old self. (Leave me the things your younger self would be embarrassed to know about your older self in the comments!)

• That I take pictures of basically everything I eat before taking a single bite.
• That I get excited about things like: doing nothing on the weekend; waking up after a night of drinking (that ends by 9 pm) without a hangover; buying baby clothes for my friends having children; new fabric softener scents; Craft Day; Book Club
• That I have a Pinterest board to plan my non-existent wedding ceremony.
•  The fact that I’m on Pinterest.
•  That I have defined a right and a wrong way to properly load the dishwasher.
• That when guys try to hit on me, I throw them the face. (Actually, I think my 21-year-old self would think this is hilarious, but wouldn’t have had the courage to actually do it in college.)
•  That I have live-tweeted my thoughts on Emmy/Oscar/Golden Globe red carpet fashions because I’m fairly certain people care what I have to say.
• That I have gone to the grocery store without make up multiple times (this embarrasses me even now).
• That I still don’t know how to ride a bike.
• That I say things like “aren’t we too old to wear [crop tops/harem pants/leather pants/insert trend here]?”
• That I have to use Urban Dictionary to look up words like “merk” and phrases like “long hair don’t care” to understand what the hell people are talking about.
• That I will tell people I used Urban Dictionary to look up words like “merck” and phrases like “long hair don’t care.”
• That I’m actually in charge of a group of people at work and enforce like, rules and stuff.
• That I use the expression “when I was your age” more than I probably should.
• That I blog.

*Ashlee did in fact get both the watch and the label maker. Because if you’re 28 or older, you were probably wondering.