HIWWI: Scalloped Hem Shorts

{ASOS Scalloped Hem Shorts, $51.90}

I don't know what it is with me this summer, but I am officially suffering a severe case of whimsanity!! All of the clothes I am particularly smitten with seem to incorporate some sense of whimsy and playfulness. It's ironic because I am an austere, humorless bitch, you see. 

Nevertheless, I am DYING (D-Y-I-ing) to own these scalloped hem shorts, and at $51 there's no reason I shouldn't. #Birthdaypresentsyougiveyourself

Since we're besties, I'm gonna be honest with you: I HATE the shoes they've slapped on this model. I do, however, like the idea of wearing all nude...kinda like being in your birthday suit. (By making constant references to all things birthday, I'm hoping it will convince you to buy me a present! Holler at me on Twitter for where to send gifts.)

That said, I love the idea of this two-toned nude flowy top:

{ASOS Color Black Square Back top, $27.58}

Naked on top, naked on bottom, what's not to like?? I'll spare you the humiliation of answering incorrectly,and just tell you the answer: NOTHING!

Let's be honest, I'm too pale to get away with wearing this much nude without introducing some kind of color to my outfit, so to bring the life back to my face, I love the idea of this neon necklace:

{The Extras Necklace, $42}

"Fear not, world," this necklace says. "Melissa, she is indeed alive, well, and celebrating a birthday on Tuesday. Send her presents." 

And why should the neon message of the living dead stop at just the neck, when it could trickle all the way down your arm? Thus, this bracelet combines three amazing excessory qualities in one: neon, stones, and braided ribbon.

{LK Designs Bracelet, $200}

But the neon doesn't stop there! It would be FOOLISH not to swipe a couple of coats of this polish on your nails, because nothing says "I'm not as old as I look" like highlighter-yellow nails:

{Deborah Lippman Yellow Brick Road polish, $16}

Now that you've sufficiently proven you are not, indeed lying on your deathbed and instead merely celebrating your 27th birthday, you can finally tone it down with the shoes. And by tone it down, I mean wear leopard wedges:

{Steve Madden leopard peep-toe wedges, $149.95}

With a future this bright, you're gonna need a pair of sunnies. These Karen Walker shades are the perfect way to top off the whole look:

{Karen Walker Perfect Day shades, $180}

DID I MENTION MY BIRTHDAY IS COMING UP!?!?!?!?!?