Paleo Made Easy: Catalyst Meals

Editor's Note: This is a long and preachy post. If you have something against reading and being schooled, then please, do avert your eyes now.

{A peak into my Paleo fridge--minus the beer in the back. Pretend that's not there.}

I'd be a piss-poor example of a self-obsessed 20-something if I weren't endlessly obsessed with my weight, so I'm delighted to tell you that, indeed, I am. You're welcome.

Like Regina George, and so many Mean Girls before her, I am fully capable of obsessing over a mere three pounds. I mean, it's the difference between seeing your clavicle and not. So while I've tried almost every fad diet known to man (I am nothing if not fashionable, of course), the one way of eating that really seems to mesh with my palate AND vanity is the Paleo diet.

I've mentioned it before, but haven't ever really gotten into any detail about what it is, partly because it's complicated and partly because I don't really know all the science-y stuff behind it (wink, girly giggle).

But since so many people have asked, mostly because they get tired of hearing me say "I'm not drinking" or "All have the burger...without the bun" and "IFSOMEONEDOESNTGETMEACUPCAKERIGHTNOWILLDIEIWILLEFFINGDIEEEEEEE!!!", I wanted to provide something in the way of explanation.

Let me break the Paleo diet down for you in a few simple tidbits to make it easier to digest.*

First of all forget the USDA-approved/government conspiracy food pyramid. It's a hunk a junk that no one should base their diet upon. For more detail about how the government is, yet again, doin' you wrong, check this out and watch this. 


Now that you've had the chance to reexamine what the government has been telling you to eat, you can now consider eating the Paleo way: essentially, the way cavemen ate; the way your body was genetically engineered to eat. There are pretty much 5 things you can eat on the paleo diet:

1.) Meat. Humans evolved to eat meat. Fact. If you're not doing it, you should start.
2.) Vegetables and Fruits
3.) Eggs
4.) Nuts (almonds, walnuts, and macadamia nuts are best)
5.) Oil (Fish, Coconut, Olive)

Some people argue the case for dairy, but purists stick to these items. What's missing? Well, a lot, but notably grains of any kind, sugar, and beans. Is it a hard diet? Hellz yes! You're talking to the cupcake queen over here, but if it means having abs of steel and a collar bone that could literally cut a bitch, then so be it.

Now, here's the real reason I'm doing a post on the Paleo diet: Catalyst Meals. 


Catalyst Meals are pre-made Paleo meals. Imagine Jenny Craig for cavemen. That's basically/exactly what they are. Five days of pre-made lunches and dinners that you know will make you healthy, and more importantly, skinny for $109 is a bargain in my book (said the girl who can drop $50 on dinner with gf's).

What I especially love about these meals is the variety. Paleo eating can be boring if you don't love to cook. It can also be time-consuming if you like to plop on your couch for 4 hours in the evening...although I can't imagineeeeeeeeeee who would do that. They post the menu each week for the next week so you can look forward to yummy things like:

You may be asking "Melissa, you just got on your soapbox about how bad grains are, and yet, here you are promoting a wrap?? What gives?" Yeah, I know, weird, right? But it's made with arrowroot. I have no clue how it's made, but I'll say this: it's delicious and pretty decent substitute for the real thing.

See? You get a salad everything. And if you don't like it, no worries; you probably won't see it again for at least several weeks.

There's also a yummy lamb meatball dish with tahini and cauliflower:

And an asparagus and red pepper stuffed chicken breast:

Keep in mind, Catalyst Meals is a relatively new business, so there's a few areas for improvement (the chicken is dry sometimes, I'd love to see the nutritional information, and I have to salt almost everything) but it's a small price to pay for the variety and convenience. Plus, if you're new to Paleo, it's a great way to get started and make sure you don't fuck it up.

I realize Paleo is not for everyone (i.e., the weak), but if you can abstain from alcohol for a few weeks and give it a try, you might find you feel better. You'll also find that your pants fit better, fatty. NTAGATF (Nothing tastes as good as thin feels)

*Honestly, I know very little about what I'm talking about. Although my initials are M.D., don't be fooled: I'm not a doctor. You should probably, I dunno, do your own research before embarking on a change in diet, blah blah blah, language about not getting sued.