How I Would Wear It: Prada Eyebrow Glasses

To quote Marilyn Monroe, "Men don't make passes at girls who wear glasses." However, when all you're trying to do is Man Repel, who gives a rat's ass what the opposite sex thinks?! That said, there's no one I want to befriend who CAN'T see the sense of humor and whimsy in these here spectacles. 

According to Darwinian theory, it's a wonder I've managed to survive this long, as I fall victim to several genetic weaknesses: allergies, an inability to tan, and poor vision. I don't even want to get into the ashtma!!! I can, however, fool everyone around me into thinking I'm healthier and fitter than I am by decorating myself with accessories that say, "I'm better than you, can't you tell?" THAT'S THE TICKET!!

Which brings me back to these Prada eyebrow glasses...I first spotted them over at The Beckerman Bite Plate, where they were lucky enough to find the sunglass version:

{Image via Beckerman Bite Plate. And also, awesomeness.} 

I love the John Waters-meets-Bettie Page look Samantha has curated here, but because Memorial Day is coming up and I'm DYING to lounge by the pool with a cute hairstyle and a pitcher of margs, I'm styling these shades for the likes of a pool/beach day.

In keeping with the vintage feel, I'm really drawn to high-waisted bikinis this year. 

I know, I know...I'm already repelling with the glasses, do I really wanna repel with the bikini too?? Well, frankly me dears, I don't give a fuck. 

I've always admired the retro glamour of the aforementioned Bettie Page, Marilyn Monroe, and Betty Grable. So yeah, even though women are using the ol' "high waisted bikinis are a great way to hide a tummy" schtick, there's still a lot of sex appeal to this style. Case in point:

{Diane Von Furstenburg Bikini}

Not so bad, eh?? There's both an exposed belly button and boob cleavage. Everybody wins!! Personally, I'm not one for throwing on a pair of elastic-waist shorts and a tee and calling it a cover-up. Besides, there simply aren't enough excuses to wear sheer, harem pant jumpsuits:

{ASOS jumpsuit} 

I like this because, like a tuxedo shirt, it says "I'm formal, but I'm here to party". Paired with a colorful flat sandal and matching hair turban (YES! I said hair turban...and?!?!), and your beach day of whimsy is complete. 

{Steve Madden sandal}

{ASOS turban. TURBANS FOR EVERYONE!!!!}

Who's the fittest now, Darwin?? YEAH! Suck it!!! 

Disclaimer: Like a fine ice cream sundae, no look is really complete until you've topped it with something extra sweet. I would likely wear a big earring or at MINIMUM a cocktail ring before stepping foot out my door, but ya know, it's your prerogative not to. Just take a page from Whitney Houston's book and do what feels right.