Bacon Soup (with Broccoli and Asparagus)

Y'all have probably noticed I haven't been blogging as much these past few weeks as I used to. Or you haven't because you, ya know, have a life and interests outside of your laptop. Good for you, you!! But if you don't, and if you wait with baited breath for the updates you get from me in your Google Reader, I owe you an apology.

You see, I haven't felt very inspired recently--to either write or cook new things. And that's just fuckin' odd for me. I just look at the color pink and suddenly get a million ideas swirling around my head. Of course, they're all ideas for nail polish colors, but they're ideas nonetheless! I think part of the reason I haven't felt super inspired to blog these past few weeks is because I haven't been trying any new recipes, and let's face it: that's what most of you come for (although I also have quite the eye for cute outfits...even if I do only post them once every 27 years).

So, when Kyle and I received our first official wedding gift from my parents of the INCROYABLE Wustof knives we registered for, I finally felt inspired to try something new. And with that, I give you Bacon Soup.

{Literally, the game changer of our kitchen. Thanks Momma and Dad!!! Yes, I call my "mom" Momma. I'm from Texas!}

Aw, I'm just kiddin'!! I'm Ellen!! It's not just bacon soup--although that's the best part--there's also some healthy junk like broccoli and asparagus in the mix, to, ya know, make it healthy.

{Wustof knives and a Vitamix are practically the only things you need in a kitchen.}

I'm pretty sure I say this in some form or fashion in every recipe I post, but DAMMIT if this isn't the easiest recipe. It's like, fry up some bacon, toss in some onion and garlic, dump the green crap in and then bring it to simmer in the chicken broth and just puree it in your blender and BAM! Bacon soup.

I I say Bacon Soup because despite the green vegetable in here, this basically just tastes like liquid bacon and I am sorry, but how could you not like that??

Even vegetarians will tell you they like bacon!!

Vegetarians also like broccoli and asparagus, so really, there's something for everyone here.

That's actually not true. There's nothing here for vegetarians.

Ha, ha, I'm just kiddin', I'm Ellen!

Bacon Soup (with Broccoli and Asparagus)

Makes 8 cups

• 1/2 lb of bacon, diced, plus a couple strips for garnish
• 1 small yellow onion, diced
• 4 cloves garlic, minced
• 1.5 pounds of broccoli cut into florets
• 1.5 pounds of asparagus, roughly chopped
• 4 cups chicken broth
• salt and pepper

1. In a large pot over medium heat, brown bacon until almost crispy.

2. Toss in onion and garlic to saute in rendered bacon fat until tender (about 2 minutes).

3. Add vegetables and chicken broth to bacon, onion, and garlic. Bring to a boil and then reduce to a simmer for about 20 minutes, or until vegetables are tender.

4. Dump everything into a blender and blend until everything is well pureed and soupy. Season with plenty of salt and pepper to taste. 

5. Eat and marvel at the wonderment of bacon soup.

Jim Reads My Stupid Blog/Wants More Manly Cupcakes

The other day, my friend Jim told me how much he liked my blog. Actually, that's not quite what he said. Our conversation went something like this:

Jim: I just wanted to let you know that I read your stupid blog and although I havent eaten a cupcake since I was 11, I find your writing to be entertaining and lively, Very engaging

Me: that's really humble of you to tell me that i'm better than you

J: wait what? where did I say that?

M: oh i was just reading between the lines

J: just accept the compliment, maybe write it down, and then leave it at that (Editor's note: I decided to blog about it)

Then there was some discussion about Jim's friend having moved in with his girllfriend (my new blogpal Jada from Better with Butter) and my suggestion that Jim start his own blog called "Musings of a Bitter Divorcee" which he didn't like since he's not divorced, not to mention never been married...I dunno, it all happened so fast.

Usually, I would have been offended by his calling my blog "stupid", but what I realized was that if Jim wrote a blog on, say, sports, like my friend John's (http://itsneversunnyincincinnati.blogspot.com/), I wouldn't like the topic either. Yes, I'd read it and possibly even enjoy it, but I would think it was stupid too, simply because sports do not interest me.

So, no, Jim's comment about my "stupid blog" wasn't offensive at all, but rather quite complimentary. Because despite the fact that he hates the content, he comes here and reads it every day. Do you come here and read my stupid blog every day? Yeah, who's rude now??

Thus, in honor of Jim, and all the dudes that read my blog--all three of 'em--I've compiled a variety of cupcakes that (should) appeal to dudes, either in flavor or concept. And if they don't appeal to you Jim, well thanks for visiting anyway.

Let's start with the savory, shall we?

Meat Cupcakes

Meat is usually the epicenter of a man's meal. I can't tell you how many guys I know who say it's not a meal if it doesn't have meat in it. This kills two birds with one stone: dinner and dessert.

Mini meatloaf cupcake, topped with mashed potatoes (the pink ones have been dyed) and a sprinkling of chives. You can find the recipe here.

Photo via flickr user dbrekke

Same idea here, but the green one is avocado mashed pototaes, topped with a sprinkling of parmesan.

What dude wouldn't want a birthday "cupcake" like this? These are more like a meatball than a meatloaf, topped with melted cheese and bacon bits. These are also more likely to give you a hear attack. Comme ci, comme ca. See more here.


Beer Cupcakes

I mean, it's beer. 'Nuff said.

Photo via airy fairy cupcakes

Sorry boys, you won't get your Friday night buzz from these chocolate Guiness cupcakes with cream cheese frosting, but hey, at least you can eat them and drive!

Photo via How to Eat a Cupcake

Mmmmm, beer and cheese! Not only is the cupcake part made with Sam Adams Summer Ale, so is the cheese "frosting"! Must. Have. One. Now.

Photo via Blondie and Brownie

Alright, I ran out of beer options, but who doesn't like root beer??

Bacon Cupcakes
You show me a guy who doesn't like bacon and I'll show you a guy who doesn't know what it means to live.

Photo via Kumquat Bakery Blog

Here's how you cure a hangover, boys: Maple Pecan cupcake topped with frosting, crushed pecans, and a nice slice of bacon. I'd have one of these the morning after a few too many beer cupcakes, if you know what I mean.

Photo via Photograzing

Chocolate Cupcakes topped with peanut butter and a chunk of chewy bacon.

Photo via Iron Cupcake Milwaulkee

This cupcake is made with dark chocolate, which means it's heart healthy...which is negated by the artery-clogging bacon on top. One negates the other, so it's practically like eating nothing at all!

Sports Cupcakes
For some reason, boys like sports. While you can't exactly incorporate cupcakes into sports, that doesn't stop people from expressing their enthusiasm for their favorite athletic activity through cupcakes.

Photo via Pink Cake Box

Billiard ball cupcakes suddenly make me want to pick up a pool cue. These are vanilla cupcakes covered with colored fondant. I call the 8 ball in the corner pocket...of my mouth.

Photo via flickr user clever cupcakes

See? Even football enthusiasts are into cupcakes. The Patriots are a football team, right?

If you look real closely, you'll see that even the cupcake liners are sports-themed, perfect no matter which season it is.

Let's face it, I could really go on and on, but you see, I've been writing this blog for over an hour now and if you're not Jim, you've probably stopped reading. But if you take nothing else from this, just keep in mind that cupcakes are for everyone, ever meal, and every tastebud.

Thank you, and good night.