New Year's Resolutions are Stupid, Paleo Breakfast Sausage is Awesome

I don't make resolutions. Mayyyynnnnn, fuck that shit. It seems like every blogger signed some kind of blogger bill touting this the "List All Your Un-Maintainable New Year's Resolutions On Your Blog" week. And I wasn't havin' none of it. Kinda like how the Senate finally got to business on the Fiscal Cliff issue and my girl Hillz was all "suck it you guys, I'm in the hospital!" (HUGE sigh of relief when she was able to leave yesterday, btw!) She's been telling them for weeks to get their act together. Ain't nobody got time for dat!

You know what I do do, though? I make food. You know what else I do? I think about losing weight. You know what ELSE I do? Sometimes, I even make food to help me lose weight.

With our wedding approaching quickly (we set a June date--I'll be sharing Save the Dates soon!), I have to get in the best shape of my life. LIFE I TELL YA! So, despite how much I loathe, and I mean loatheeeeeeeeeeeee, the word "paleo," it is how I'm eating to get in wedding shape. Specifically, strict or "real" "paleo." I use quotes to suggest these things allegedly, let's be clear. That means only meat, vegetables (except the obvious no-no's like corn and potatoes), nuts and seeds, and some fruit. I won't be allowing myself cheese or sour cream or honey or anything. It's gonna be the worst y'all. The absolute effing worst. But I'm gonna be so skinz and feel pretty good about myself, so it'll be worth it. The silver lining? Sausage.

I love sausage. Dare I say, I prefer it to bacon. It's true! But I don't buy sausage very often because it's usually loaded with all kinds of horrible preservatives, soy, gluten, and sugar. But it turns out, you can make your own, and not only is it super delicious, it's also incredibly simple to whip up. We're talking mere minutes!

I obviously chose to make it into patties, but you could just as easily toss it into eggs for an omelet or whatever you want. I don't know, man! I don't make the sausage rules!!

It should make sticking to your resolution to eat healthy and work out more last a good 8 minutes longer than it would otherwise.

Paleo Breakfast Sausage
Makes 11 patties

• 1 lb. ground pork
• 1 tsp. fennel
• 1 tsp. paprika
• 1 tsp. salt
• 1/2 tsp. pepper
• 1/2 tsp. sage
• 1/4 tsp. garlic powder
• 1/4 tsp. cayenne (optional)

In a medium bowl, combine pork and spices by hand until all the spices are well incorporated. Then, do whatever the hell with them. I used an ice scream scoop to portion out the meat and then smashed them a little bit to make patties. I then cooked them in a pan over medium heat until they were brown on both sides and cooked through (about 2 minutes per side).