Ragu Bolognese with Doodles and Drag Queens

Tell me the last time you ate a radish. Do you need a minute to remember. Go ahead...take your time.

Do you remember now? Meh, that's okay; it's not like the radish is a particularly memorable vegetable anyway. What do you even eat radishes with/on? Kind of shitty salads sometimes? Maybe in a crudite platter, if you really think hard about it?

Look, if we've learned nothing else from 6 seasons of RuPaul's Drag Race, it's go big or go home, #amiriteladies. I mean, let's be honest: the radish is basically the India Ferrah of the vegetable world, only getting a moment in the spotlight when mildly assaulted by Mimi Imfurst.

In case you don't speak Drag-anese, what I'm saying is this dish that looks like spaghetti with meat sauce is actually Daikon radish noodles - doodles, if you're nasty! - topped with a nearly tomato-less ragu, and it will no doubt stay in your memory for a good, long time, similarly, but not nearly as traumatizing as, India Ferrah's breast plate.

Just like the tuck each queen must hide away before sashaying down the runway, this sauce is meaty! It's a rich combination or pork, beef, and pancetta. It's a slow cook, not unlike most great Italian dishes, so you may want to put on an Untucked marathon and settle in. But when it's done, you will think you've died and gone to Paleo heaven, where all the angels are ethereal Ladyboys and the cherubs are members of the Pit Crew.

For those of you who gave up giving a damn about your diet for Lent, this sauce is equally delicious served atop really good pappardelle noodles, too. NOT THAT I WOULD KNOW ANYTHING ABOUT THAT!!! I haven't looked at a carbohydrate in about as long as it's been since Lance Bass saw a woman's vagina.

If the word vagina hasn't turned you off yet, then I like you. Let's be friends. And please, make this. You will love it.

Ragu Bolognese with Doodles

(Recipe from Kyle's mom)

Serves 8

• 3 Tbsp olive oil
• 2 medium carrots, peeled and finely diced
• 2 medium onions, finely diced
• 2 stalks celery, finely diced
• 1/2 lb pancetta, diced
• 1 lb ground beef
• 1 lb ground pork
• 1 Tbsp tomato paste
• 8 cups low sodium beef broth
• 2 1/2 cups whole milk (you can substitute for almond milk, but not coconut milk. you should probably just use whole milk though)
• 5 Tbsp butter

1. Heat oil in a large pot over medium heat. Add carrots, onions, and celery and saute until veggies are lightly browned. About 5-6 minutes.

2. Add pancetta and cook a couple more minutes until fat renders.

3. Add beef and cook until browned. Add pork and cook until browned.

4. Whisk the tomato paste into 1 cup of broth. Add this to the meat and simmer over low heat until all the liquid evaporated.

5. Add another cup of broth and simmer until it cooks off. Repeat adding 1 cup of broth at a time until all the broth has been absorbed, ~3-4 hours.

6. Add milk and butter and continue to simmer until milk is absorbed and sauce is thick, ~another hour.
7. Serve over noodles, zoodles, doodles or just eat out of bowl.